I never have understood why the change of season is so drastic for me, but as fall looms in I feel this overwhelming sadness creep in. I wonder if it’s the passing of time. You know when you have to say goodbye to the old and move on to the new? There is a mist that comes over my eyes as I reminisce the happy and sad times of summer. Yet, I don’t feel as if that is quite it. I ponder it as I eat my breakfast and get ready to start my day. I hate when I know there is something bothering me and I can not put my finger on it. What could it be? So, I brain storm some ideas and see what emotions follow. Brainstorm. Now that is a dangers thing for me. I start thinking about sad things. Like the cold, the dreaded holidays, time change, stuck indoors, and did I mention the cold? Then I end up thinking about happy things like chili, hot chocolate, snuggling into a warm blanket, clean crisp air, and beautiful leaves of all colors. Then I switch back and think of the winter to follow and dread creeps in.
I know its more than about the weather that bothers me, it is only temporary for goodness sake. Then it hits me and the realization makes me breath a sigh of relief. It’s the fear of being stuck. Stuck in doors, stuck in the cold, stuck waiting for the holidays to come and go. Its more than being stuck, it’s a sense of feeling trapped. The fact is the change in weather forces me to have to work harder at finding a happy and peaceful state. Being stuck in the cycle of forcing myself to be happy gets exhausting. I just got into the groove of summer and found a happy space and now I can’t seem to muster up the energy it will take for me to adjust to a new norm. Why can’t things just stay the same? Why do things have to change? Change. Now there is a scary word! Change takes me from being safe and secure to the front lines of not knowing what will happen next. Let’s just face it! We are still in 2020 the definition of change, fear of the unknown, and chaos have been at every turn. Now we throw in a season change and I am hanging on by a thread. How can I adjust and prepare for this change? I look up at the clock and stare at it, pondering these very words. Then I focus closely on the words written on it. “To everything there is a season and a time to every purpose under the heaven.” What? There is purpose for this season? Not just a change in weather, but a true purpose for why I struggle with change? Surely not! I really don’t see how anything good can come out of a struggle. So, I will investigate further and see if any clarity will come.
“To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: A time to be born… a time to die; a time to plant…a time to pluck up that which is planted; a time to kill… a time to heal; a time to break down… a time to build up; a time to weep… a time to laugh; a time to mourn… a time to dance; a time to cast stones… a time to gather stones; a time to embrace… a time to refrain from embracing; a time to get… a time to lose; a time to keep… a time to cast away; a time to rend… a time to sew; a time to keep silence… a time to speak; a time to love… a time to hate; a time to war… a time of peace. What profit hath he that worketh in the wherein he laboureth? I have seen the travail, which God hath given to the sons of men to be exercised in it. He hath made everything beautiful in his time.” Ecclesiastes 3:1-11
The truth is there is a balance to life. The good is followed with the bad and the bad is followed with the good. I find true hope in these words, not because I look forward to the balance, but because I look forward to the promise that hard times are truly not permanent. I didn’t realize how important it was for me to have that reiterated. A reminder to instill hope. This transition from one season to the next is going to come no matter what I try to do, but I can have hope that the struggle of it is temporary. More than that is the promise I can dwell on. Instead of dwelling on the dread of the change, I can dwell on the promise that God said he will make everything beautiful in his time. Now that is something, I look forward to seeing. You may be saying, “Ok Keri, I get it. Suck it up and deal with it.” That is not what I am saying, because those of us who suffer with depression, and anxiety need more than that. We need something we can honestly find comfort it. Something we can do to help with the transition. So here is. Here are the steps spelled out:
- First when you are feeling low, remind yourself this is temporary
- Ensure your self that beauty can come from this change. Look around and see what beauty you can see.
- Make a list of things you can do when you are down that will help you sail through the dark times. Because bad is followed with good. This list would be things you enjoy to do that you haven’t done in a while or would like to try. Adult coloring books, cross word puzzles, word searches, taking a drive to see the leaves (make this a yearly tradition to help you find beauty in the change, something to look forward to.) Take a fall vacation. Go for a walk and collect colored leaves. Decorate for fall. Make your own fall décor. Take a hot bath on a cold night, treat yourself to your favorite hot drink. Go to a craft market and just look. The possibilities are endless.
Before you know it, you have come through the transition and gotten yourself into a new schedule and you can rest easy. Don’t concentrate on the change, concentrate on the new opportunities that can come with the change. Hope. With hope the darkest of days can bring such great light. Hope makes the time go faster, makes the days more exciting, and gives us something to look forward to. Then before we know it, fall and winter will pass, and spring will come with more promises and hope of its own.
by keri payne 