Tag: depression

God says I am an heir…

bykeripayne

In whom also we have obtained an inheritance, being predestinated according to the purpose of him who worketh all things after the counsel of his own will: In whom ye also trusted, after that ye heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation: in whom also after that ye believed, ye were sealed with that holy Spirit of promise, which is the earnest of our inheritance until the redemption of the purchased possession, unto the praise of his glory. Ephesians 1:11, 13, 17

And if children, then heirs; heirs of God, and joint-heirs with Christ; if so be that we suffer with him, that we may be also glorified together. Romans 8:17


To inherit and be an heir. To allot and assign. A recipient, a successor, a beneficiary. These words hold the promise of something to come. Something that will be given.

As an earthly child it means to be given of earthly things, material objects. Given wealth of assets and money. Given of title and position in the family line. These things also hold the promise of something negative. Promises of not being acknowledged at ones passing, as one not worthy of love or acceptance. Left out and not deserving of another’s wealth that would help with financial burdens. Being disregarded like a servant and not counted as one of the family or someone respected and loved. Living under a love that has conditions in order to receive.

Yet, with God we have an inheritance that has no conditions. It is one that is less traditional and full of hope and promise. Promises that have no negative sides. Most exciting is the promise of 2 types of inheritance. Things we obtain when we finish our course and meet the Lord face to face; but also things we will inherit here on earth as believers in God. These things are not material, but spiritual that can affect our lives positively in emotional, mental, spiritual, and physical ways. What a great God we serve! So, what are these things you ask, and how does God see us when we inherit his valuable assets.

God sees us as joint heirs with His son. He sees us as the promised heir. Promises that he guarantees because of His love, fairness, and truth. An inheritance in heavenly places includes Promises of a mansion in heaven that Jesus is preparing for us (John 14:16-18). Promise of reunion with saved loved ones we have already lost from this world (1 Thessalonians 4:13-18). Promise of a life in heaven with no more tears, suffering, or sorrow (Revelations 21:4). Promise of a life in heaven with Him. Promises of rewards for our growth in knowing him and acting it out (Matthew 6:19-20). An inheritance of protection from hell as an eternal resting place. Then he gives us an inheritance as believers on earth. Not that we deserve it, but because of His love for us! He Promises we will have Him, God, as our counselor (Hebrews 6:17). Promise that he will never leave us or forsake us. Promise we can find refuge and strength in Him (Psalm 91). He gave us the seal and promise of the comforter the Holy Spirit( John 14:16-18). He promised to listen to our prayers and do what it best for us (John 14:12-15). He promised an agape love, like we have never known from anyone or anything in this world (John 3:16). He gave us his word, the Bible, as an inheritance to get to know Him better and to have a relationship with him (Psalm 119:105)!

God sees us as the promised heirs of all that he has made, all that he has designed, all that he has to give. It is ours and He can’t wait to share it all with us!

God Says I am Adopted…

bykeripayne

Having predestinated us unto the adoption of children by Jesus Christ to himself, according to the good pleasure of his will, Ephesians 1:5

But when the fulness of the time was come, God sent forth his Son, made of a woman, made under the law, to redeem them that were under the law, that we might receive the adoption of sons. And because ye are sons, God hath sent forth the Spirit of his Son into your hearts, crying, Abba, Father. Wherefore thou art no more a servant, but a son; and if a son, then an heir of God through Christ. Galatians 4:4-7

To be adopted. For some reason I am struggling to paint this picture today. This is the 3rd draft I have written over many days of praying. So many ways to explain, yet which one is the way the Holy Spirit will speak to your heart. That is not for me to decide, but for him. This is where he led me in my thoughts…

Can you imagine in your mind what it means to be adopted? There are many out there this morning who have been through this process and the joy and struggles it has influenced their lives emotionally, physically, and mentally. For me, I think of the many questions of who wants me? How do I prove myself worthy to be accepted? Am I the right color, sex, personality? Once I am accepted as adequate will I fit in? Will I be cared for, clothed, and taken care of? Will I find safety with my new family? I can’t imagine being in this position. Not many people know this, but I have an adopted sister. My parents adopted her when she was 3 years old. Her great grandmother was raising her and it was more than she could handle and she needed help. After being considered by a couple other families and moved around. My sister came to live and was accepted by my family. The process was long and drawn out. My sister only being 3 didn’t know or understand. She was just in survival mode looking for acceptance and a place to call home.

As sinners lost in this world, I believe that’s how we often feel. I remember before I accepted Christ not just as my savior, but also as the Lord of my life. I was wandering around in survival mode. Looking for acceptance in all the wrong places. Never feeling like I belonged. I was always wondering if I was good enough. Struggling to feel safe. Then I was introduced to this man who did things in an unconventional way. It made me question him and what he stood for, but I also found him to be warmly intriguing. A sense of safety and peace surrounded him; but the most peculiar thing about him was the backward way of his adoption plan.

Instead of me standing in a lineup with other sinners being subjected to judgement and scrutiny, waiting to be chosen. This man was in a lineup with all the avenues of the world. The avenues of what I could be adopted into came in the forms. Relationships, friendships, religion, fame, wealth, community, fads, and social groups. All standing in a line looking bold, beautiful and so enticing with their promises. Then this one small, yet humble person calmly standing and patiently waiting. Every time I accepted one of the other avenues to be adopted in and it don’t work out, I would come back to this line and there he was. Humble, quiet, and peacefully still waiting.

It wasn’t about him choosing me because he would adopt anyone who wanted to be adopted by him. It was about me accepting what he had to offer. His adoption plan wasn’t a temporary one like all the others. It was a permanent one. It was a blind-faith kind of adoption full of love and promise. Yes, it was scary; it was not popular, it was different, it was not as appealing and full of instant gratification as all the other avenues. I needed to feel acceptance now; I didn’t have time to wait. I didn’t want to have to put much effort or time in learning more knowledge about this man, or committing to spending time with him. This is what my body was screaming at me. I had to override that need of “give it to me now” and step into the promise of “slow and steady”. When I accepted the offer that Jesus was giving a whole new world opened up to me. It was in slow motion, but this is what I found.

I found myself adopted into Jesus family. His family was not about singing papers or initiation ceremony. It was a washing and cleansing with blood. Not just any blood, but his blood. The blood of Jesus Christ a free gift. Here I stood as an earthly child covered in the blood of Jesus sacrifice and forgiveness. Blood that was shed freely on the cross had been collected and now used to cover over all souls that accepted and believe in him. This blood is perfect. It wipes away all things negative. No more sin, shame, guilt, ugliness, or scars. All of these things are completely gone and what stands before Him is a child adopted by Jesus and given the same spirit of his son into our hearts. God no longer sees a wanderer looking for a place to belong, but sees his child when he looks at us. Perfect, without blemish. Washed in the power of the blood and part of his family.

Jesus accepted me just as I was no matter who I was, where I came from, what color or sex I was. Most important to me was no matter what I had ever done or what others thought of me this person wanted me. He didn’t just want me; he wanted a relationship with me. He wanted to get to know me. To supply me with all my hearts desires. To love me in a way I had never been loved before. He wanted me to never have to worry about tomorrow, what I was gonna eat next, or whether there would be clothes or a roof over my head. This spirit of his son in my heart let me be forgiven of all my wrong doings and made me clean as the day I was born. God sees his child when he sees me! Oh how blessed and undeserving we are to be given another chance to be born again clean!

God says I am Holy and without blame…

bykeripayne

According as he hath chosen us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before him in love: Ephesians 1:4

But as he which hath called you is holy, so be ye holy in all manner of conversation; Because it is written, Be ye holy; for I am holy. 1 Peter 1:15-16

That ye may be blameless and harmless, the sons of God, without rebuke, in the midst of a crooked and perverse nation, among whom ye shine as lights in the world; Philippians 2:15

Have you ever had a pair of holey socks? You know those socks that get a hole in them at the most inopportune time? The hole starts out small and as the day goes on, it gets bigger and bigger. Contingent on where the hole is depends on the struggle you could end up with. The worst-case scenario is a toe constantly struggling all day to keep itself tucked inside the hole. A day wrestling with the uncomfortable feeling. Growing up it was a common joke that if you had a sock with a hole in it, then they were your holy socks. Socks set aside and worn for Sunday worship. The joke, of course, was twofold. The holey versus holy definition. The vision of an imperfect sock being considered holy in a sacred sense makes you want to laugh. A play with words, but a vision we all can associate with.

Who am I to be holy? Me? The older I get the more I feel and look like an old worn-out sock. Full of holes from multiple surgeries, unraveling nerves as the hint of a tight spot. Stretched here and there from running errands, getting groceries, taking the kids to all their activities, or taking on church jobs to fill in all those missing people who are no longer there. Most days I feel useless and overworn, that I am not even worthy to be pulled out and considered suitable for any occasion. Yet God says I am Holy and without blame, how is that even possible? Its possible but its not what we have done, but who He is! As a child of God, an accepted believer in the Savior Jesus Christ, we are holy and without blame in front of our God. So let me paint this picture for you.

Here I am a worthless, worn-out sock. I’ve been through the highways and byways of life. I have been in the trenches under heavy fire. I’ve seen the frontlines of grief and loss. Scared, battered, bruised, stretched, and hung out to dry by friends and family. Then comes along this perfect man. I can see there is something different in him. Everyone stops in awe and respect when he comes by. I am drawn to him and the mystery that surrounds him and I want to know more. Others around me tell me of his story, of his grace, of his perfect spirit. They tell me rescue stories like I have never heard before. Stories of hope, stories of love, and stories of miracles that none can explain. All those stories have one thing in common. Once they each had faith in this perfect man, he came straight to where they lay. Worn-out, in the trenches of life he gently picked them up and washed them clean. Cleaner than the day they were created! They became holy, sacred, and physically pure with a touch of the Master’s hand. The old worn-out sock was gone and in its place was a designer brand with the Lord’s logo on it. Physically pure, morally pure, no holes in sight. Clean without spots, like it’s never been worn. Its color so intense and significant no fault could be found. It was perfect! Gone is the old, and front and center is the new. No longer are they holey, but holy!

When our God sees us, that is what he sees. He sees a new person. Washed clean of all our faults, struggles, imperfections. We are beautiful with the stamp of the Savior fastened securely to our souls. We are His and He is ours. There is no blame that can be found in you. Nothing! We belong with Him and to Him. He can’t deny us! Now if that is what God sees when He looks at me, then I am so thankful that I called out to him when he passed by my way. I am thankful for those that told me of His love, grace, and miracles. I am so thankful that I once was a holey sock, so that I could now be a holy sock!

God says I am chosen…

bykeripayne

But we are bound to give thanks alway to God for you, brethren beloved of the Lord, because God hath from the beginning chosen you to salvation through sanctification of the Spirit and belief of the truth: 2 Thessalonians 2:13

According as he hath chosen us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before him in love: Ephesians 1:4

But ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that ye should shew forth the praises of him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvellous light; 1 Peter 2:9

When I think of being “chosen” I am brought back to the days of a school yard lineup. During recess a group of us who wanted to play baseball would line up. We would choose 2 people to be captains of a team and from there they would take turns choosing from the rest of the group who they wanted to be on their team. One by one names would be called as the captains picked, who they thought were, the best players first. As I stood in line waiting to be chosen, I would pray not to be last. Because last meant you were not qualified to be on a team. Last meant you were just a body to take up space in the outfield. In the outfield the only action you could count on was the fly balls or ground balls that only required catching, running and throwing. Every opportunity you get to catch a ball was a new chance to prove you belonged in the infield. Once you belonged in the infield you could move up in the lineup. The hopes of being chosen first was closer than before. The “in” crowd where most all the action took place and to feel worthy was the goal. Every missed attempt to catch that ball and get it where it needed to go in a timely manner just proved you still belonged where you were. The outside looking in.

If I was to apply that reasoning to being chosen by God then it brings a sense of sadness. Who am I to be chosen. What do I have to do to be considered worthy of God? Does God pick out who is worthy to be saved and who is not? The fact is chosen means something different in the Biblical sense. Chosen in the Bible sense means elect. Not elected as in voted into office, but elect as part of a group. What group is that you ask? The group who has personally “chosen” themselves to accept, believe, and follow Christ. Once you decide on your own with free choice, you are considered the chosen. Part of the elect group that is a part of Gods family. It isn’t about standing on the sidelines waiting to get chosen, or standing in the outfield waiting to prove you are worthy with the next fly ball that comes your way. Gods elect is anyone who has chosen to enter the field of their own accord. Regardless of who they are, where they came from, and what abilities they have. All of this comes together because you personally chose to enter the field and become a part of the team called THE ELECT. What I love the most about this is the view God has from the owner’s box in the stadium.

As God looks down into the stadium, he sees all the souls that have chosen to enter the field. He sees a group of souls that he adored when they were first designed in their mother’s womb. They entered the field on their own free will to chose Him. The team isn’t there because they were forced or dragged in, but from their own choosing they decided to believe in Him. To trust in the Owner of this team. To live with Him forever. To grow with Him. To learn more about Him. To pursue a personal relationship with Him. To face battles together, not only with The Owner, but with a group of believers with one common purpose and goal. God is looking down on a group of Souls that have left their sinful nature they were born into, to conquer life with Him. You chose Him and He is standing there in the owner’s box with overwhelming joy. Joy in your choice, joy in who you are and who you have chosen to be. Joy in the relationship that will come and grow stronger over time. He sees your future and your hope. He sees someone who he has something in common with. Someone to spend eternity with. He sees a family like He never had before. A family that chose Him! He sees you!!

Who does God say I am?

bykeripayne

I am sorry I have been MIA for the last month or so. I’ve been struggling with a lot going on personally that I have been dealing with. Back in August, I started out with a 21-day post of who does God say I am. The more I got digging the more things came to light in my own life. I became foggy headed and not able to focus. When this happens, I know that I need to take a step back and wait on the Lord to direct me. Sometimes I may only have to wait a few hours, or days. This time it took much longer. The Holy Spirit slowly helped me see some truths. So, we are going to start over from the beginning on “Who does God says I am?” or better yet… “God says I am _________”.

When I first started this, I went to Pinterest and printed out a list of who God says I am that had a Bible verse for each word. As I began studying, the Holy Spirit did not speak to me through the verses that were given. The verses didn’t line up to a foundational teaching of Who God says I am, but rather verses that just included those words. It was confusing and left me feeling foggy and confused. I decided to stop blogging and truly take the time to search out this information with guidance from the Holy Spirit. So, if you have your Bible, please take it out and mark this passage so you can return to it and do your own study on it. Ephesians chapter 1.

What most amazed me was that I left this study to look at another I felt the Holy Spirit leading me to and they both intertwined. I did not realize this until I started writing this blog today! God was working in me this whole past 2 months in my study time and I didn’t even know it. God works even when you cannot grasp or understand it. That awe that comes when we see it, is Gods way of showing us He is there and it isn’t just by chance or mistake, but part of his divine plan for us!

Ephesians chapter 1.

1 Paul, an apostle of Jesus Christ by the will of God, to the saints which are at Ephesus, and to the faithful in Christ Jesus:

2 Grace be to you, and peace, from God our Father, and from the Lord Jesus Christ.

3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who hath blessed us with all spiritual blessings in heavenly places in Christ:

4 According as he hath chosen us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before him in love:

5 Having predestinated us unto the adoption of children by Jesus Christ to himself, according to the good pleasure of his will,

6 To the praise of the glory of his grace, wherein he hath made us accepted in the beloved.

7 In whom we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of his grace;

8 Wherein he hath abounded toward us in all wisdom and prudence;

9 Having made known unto us the mystery of his will, according to his good pleasure which he hath purposed in himself:

10 That in the dispensation of the fulness of times he might gather together in one all things in Christ, both which are in heaven, and which are on earth; even in him:

11 In whom also we have obtained an inheritance, being predestinated according to the purpose of him who worketh all things after the counsel of his own will:

12 That we should be to the praise of his glory, who first trusted in Christ.

13 In whom ye also trusted, after that ye heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation: in whom also after that ye believed, ye were sealed with that holy Spirit of promise,

14 Which is the earnest of our inheritance until the redemption of the purchased possession, unto the praise of his glory.

Within this chapter we find who we are in Christ. How God sees us “sealed with that holy Spirit of promise.” Whether we are Jewish or gentiles, if you acknowledged your sinful state, believe in him and confess it to the Lord in prayer; then you are sealed.  Once sealed you are then seen as the following…

Blessed, chosen, holy and without blame, adopted, accepted, redemption, forgiven, ability for wisdom and prudence, an heir, predestined, and sealed. As we move forward let’s take a look and break down each word God says about us. We will search the truth in Gods word and find out truly How God sees us. In knowing how God sees us, I pray it will bring you to a place of joy and confidence and silence the doubt we struggle with in our minds every day! Let’s get started!

Clink this link to get started! https://bykeripayne.com/2022/08/01/who-does-god-say-i-am-blessed/

God says I am Loved…

bykeripayne 
For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish but have everlasting life. John 3:16

Most everyone knows John 3:16 and can quote is by heart. Today I want to not just know it by heart, but know it TO HEART. There is definitely a difference than “by heart” and “to heart”. “By heart” means that we can repeat it and have it in our memory. “To heart” means that we have taken it to our heart the true meaning of this verse and it brings us immeasurable comfort, joy, and peace.

I asked a group of teenage girl’s what love means to them. The list included, kindness, caring, forgiveness, gentleness. They said it was a feeling, an emotion, that we have towards another person. When we started digging deeper into our emotions, we realized that our emotions change constantly all day long. Our emotions are so sporadic and scattered that we cannot rely on them to carry out the necessary task of loving someone. So rather than love being just an emotion, we realized love is a choice. It is something we choose to do. We make a conscious effort to accept another person for who they are and treat them based on our choice to do so and not through the emotions that we have in their presence.

God’s love for us is a choice. God doesn’t love us on a whim or whatever good or bad thing we have done that day for him. God chooses to love us every day whether we are in sin or not. God sent his only son to pay for our sins. This required his son to experience fear, anxiety, pain, loneliness, betrayal, bullying, embarrassment, physical abuse, emotional abuse, and mental abuse. Jesus went through all of this to pay the cost for our sinful nature we are born into. Our sin, His sacrifice.

But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Much more then, being now justified by his blood, we shall be saved from wrath through him. Romans 5:8-9

Even when we were sinners, God chose to love us. Commendeth means to take a stand; to exhibit favour. He took a stand and showed the whole universe just how much he loved us! Not on a whim of emotion that will change with the passing of time, but as a choice that is constant and never changing. He took a stand for us, and sent his son to take our place for punishment. That is how much he loves us!

We are not a whim in Gods eyes. God chooses to love us every day, without fail, and within our sin. We can’t say that of ourselves. Someone hurts us, or makes us upset and we take our love from them and move on. God just keeps coming back over and over to prove his love for us!

One last thought for you to think about this week. God chose you just as you are, covered in sin, covered in shame, covered in regret. The person you are that is broken, confused, hurting, not worthy, arrogant, proud, and maybe even hard hearted. God chooses every day to love you!! Not for what you have done, but simply for who you are! You are his creation, his reason for existence, his joy, his sorrow, his pain, his victory, his peace, his adoration. You are all these things to Him and if he had to do everything over again, he would still choose this path of creation and sacrifice! He would still choose you!

How to have assurance in the midst of pain?

bykeripayne

One sad reality of this life is the fact we will have some pain. I thought that it was possible to live this life without any pain, and the reality is that no matter how you avoid, convince yourself, and control there will be times in your life that you will have pain. Pain in any sense seems to bring out great fear and anxiety in me.  Emotional pain, physical pain, mental pain, spiritual pain all make me feel alone. The one thing that has brought me such great comfort is the assurance that all pain is temporary and that pain can also bring about great opportunities and extreme personal growth. Yet, there was a time when I was not so sure and the never-ending cycle of pain left me battered and bruised and crying out to God with anger. Why? What have I done to deserve this? Why are you mad at me? Why wont you give me some relief? My body was in constant pain, my family and doctors didn’t believe me, my friends were tired of hearing about it and my pastor could only tell me there was a reason that would reveal itself in time. Yet, I was still alone and my prayers felt like they never reached past the ceiling. Fast forward to today, with some of the same pain, but a different outlook that I would never have hoped for in a million years. Today I have assurance!

Assurance of what you may ask? Well, let’s take a quick look at what assurance is and grow from there. Assurance defined in Hebrew is truth itself. Truth about life, truth about circumstance, but as I sat at church last night, our guest preacher said something about assurance that I had never heard before. He asked himself what did assurance look like? What kind of scenario in life would give us assurance, would give us truth? This got my wheels spinning and I haven’t been able to get past this. I just knew I had to share this with you. He was talking about Paul and what assurance he had, but not just Paul, but Paul’s followers. What assurance did they have that they were gonna be okay and their pain and suffering would not be the end of them. The answer was Paul’s life! Not just Paul’s life, but the life of anyone that has suffered or lived with pain or trying circumstance for extended periods of time; but Paul in particular kept coming back to mind and it led me to this scripture…

2 Corinthians 11:24-28 Of the Jews five times received I forty stripes save one. Thrice was I beaten with rods, once was I stoned, thrice I suffered shipwreck, a night and a day I have been in the deep; In journeyings often, in perils of waters, in perils of robbers, in perils by mine own countrymen, in perils by the heathen, in perils in the city, in perils in the wilderness, in perils in the sea, in perils among false brethren; In weariness and painfulness, in watchings often, in hunger and thirst, in fastings often, in cold and nakedness. Beside those things that are without, that which cometh upon me daily, the care of all the churches.

Paul’s was…

  1. whipped 5 times with 40 stripes save one
  2. beaten 3 times with a rod
  3. stoned once
  4. shipwrecked 3 times
  5. lost at sea
  6. in constant journey with no safe place to lay his head
  7. in danger in the water
  8. in danger from robbers
  9. in danger from his own neighbors
  10. in danger from other tribes
  11. in danger in the city
  12. in danger in the wilderness
  13. in danger out at sea
  14. in danger from those who preach opposite to his teachings
  15. often depleted of strength and in great pain
  16. insomnia
  17. hunger and thirst
  18. fasting, going without food or drink
  19. cold and naked
  20. constant living without comfort and things
  21. daily trials that arise
  22. responsibility of the churches

Paul here is giving a tally of what he went through as a disciple of Jesus. Not including his times of arrest and imprisonment and his thorn of the flesh . All while sticking to the course of faith in Christ. If Paul can survive with Gods help, and find glory in his tribulations, then this gives me the truth and assurance that I can also. My pain is not just a heavy yoke of bondage around my neck. My pain is a crown of glory that has the assurance of who’s in charge and who will not let me fall. Time as time again as Paul survived, I also, time and time again have come through many trials. Yet, I have not suffered as much as Paul has and He still kept going. I have the assurance today through Paul’s life and ministry that God will see me through and the truth is that with God all things are possible.

I encourage you to cry out today and ask God for help. Ask him to help you, ask him to carry you, be open for him to show you the truth and assurance that what you’re going through is not in vain. That It has a purpose and a reason. Today I find that purpose and reason and that is sharing my story with you. To let you know that you are not alone and that God has not abandoned me and will not abandon you no matter how dark your circumstances are. Have assurance that as a believer in God you too can come out of your struggles victorious and in full blessed assurance of His love for you!

The one thing needed in order to heal!

bykeripayne

I had a hard time coming up with a title for this blog, because it covers a touchy subject. I just knew if I gave it the title, “The Importance of Honesty” then most people would pass by it. I didn’t want to give it that title because this blog is about much more than that. Honesty is just the beginning, but without honesty there can be no moving forward. Everyone thinks that if they are not being honesty then they are dishonest. It’s the way our society looks at everything. Black and white, right and wrong, honest or dishonest. The truth is that everyone looks at black and white differently, as I talked about in another blog. Most importantly is to know there is also a gray area. The gray area has been defined as riding the fence, tempting the Holy Spirit, living without thought to consequence. What if I give you a different perspective and let you decide for yourself? If honesty is the one ingredient needed before we can do any healing, and dishonesty is the opposite, then what is the gray area?

First, let me make clear how I view black, white and gray areas. I have lived in the black and white world most all my life. What I found was that no matter how good I was, no matter how honest I could be, or how right and perfect, I could never measure up. I could never be in the white area. You see, I am a sinner. I was born a sinner, and I will continue to be a sinner. I cannot be perfect. The only thing I can be is forgiven (Romans 3:23, John 3:16). So, if black is hell and a place that I have not confessed my sin or the stay of my sinful nature, and white is heaven the place where I am made complete, whole and righteous, then forgiven by grace for me is the gray! It’s not that I live on the fence. I live knowing I am a working progress, forgiven by God’s grace, and the ultimate goal is to refine me until I am complete and whole. I live in an area that not only sees the good and the bad, but also know that it is the heart and the motif behind why a person does what they do that matters and not a list of dos and don’ts (1 Samuel 16:7). So how does honesty fall into the black, white and gray area?

I believe complete honesty is a working progress. The reason for this is the one gray area that we are all guilty of. That gray area is called denial. The first step to any problem we face, is the denial that a problem even exists. I can say that I have had times when I truly believed with all my heart that I was in a good place, and nothing was wrong. Instead, as life happened and I became more aware of my circumstance, I could see that it was not true. Denial is not the end of the road, the black area that we cannot come back from. Denial is the gray area, the first step we all take on the road to healing. Whether trauma, fear, hard times, storms, and chaos evolve in our life to show us where are feet are planted on our road; we must first stop denying our circumstance and the impact it is having on our lives. We must stop denying that we are stuck or not on the right path. We must acknowledge whether the road we are on is headed up the mountain with honesty, growth and freedom from our circumstance. Or, we are stuck in a black and white, stagnant pond full of quicksand and mosquitos. Drowning in our shame, guilt and denial of who and what we have become. Once we can stop denying, then honesty has the power to run freely. The power to pull us up out of that sinking sand and set us on a path of true redemption and growth.

There are many reasons that we live in great denial. Shame, pride, bad coping skills, negative perspective, hurt, pain, embarrassment, stubbornness, mislead information, false teachings, or just plain old rejection of the truth. These each carry strong emotions that have the power to keep us near the pond. The most importantly thing we can do is realize the power it has on us that keeps us stuck and that there is freedom waiting for us if we can let go and move past it. Admitting you are in denial is not weakness, it is strength. Yes, it is hard and sometimes we are so consumed by emotions we cannot see that we are stuck in denial. Yet, God grace is sufficient and will carry us until we can see through the fog surrounding the pond that we are lingering at. When that glimpse of understanding comes that we are in denial, the fog clears just enough for us to see the path up the mountain. That path starts with honesty about our denial. Once we make that step to acknowledge that we have been in denial then freedom and growth can follow. The bible says John 8:32, “And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.” The truth is Jesus and what he has done for us, as well as the truth in his word. When we face hard times, if we admit we are facing hard times, then search out the truth on how to handle those hard times. Then we have the power through Jesus Christ to live free. Free from the demons that denial plagues us with, free from the consequences of sin, free to be honest about all our sorrows and mistakes.

We are all living in some state of denial. The fact that you almost denied that statement is proof! What are you denying in your life today? What truths do you need to face that will get you unstuck and give you the freedom to be honest? I am telling you, once your honest, there is no stopping the power that God can instill in you to persevere and grow you to be complete and whole! Here is a list of things you may be living in denial from and some of these things I have personally dealt with myself, so know that you are not alone.

  • Suffering, or have suffered, from Physical, emotional, mental, sexual Abuse.
  • Feel you have been neglected by those you say they love you the most.
  • Controlling Desires or lust have overtaken your life.
  • Feel as though you are in the midst of Temptations or trials.
  • What your Strengths and weaknesses are.
  • Misunderstanding of who God is.
  • Misunderstanding of what God expects of you.
  • Dealing with Addictions such as smoking, alcohol, drugs, sex, or gambling, and you don’t have it under control.
  • Dependency on things to make you feel better, like eating, spending money, belittle others, over exercising, etc.
  • That your strong desire to help others may also be tied up with you feeling good about yourself or making yourself look good to others.
  • That you are a people pleaser.
  • That you are depressed and or anxious.
  • That you have a negative point of view.
  • That you need God or are not living as close to him as you could.
  • That you are letting the world and its enticing moments of fun control you.
  • That you are struggling and need help.

Once you face the truth and you are honest, then you can take the steps needed to heal. Without honesty you will stay where you are. What are some things that you have lived in denial over or have seen others struggle with, I would love to hear your comments and personal stories?

Count It All Joy

bykeripayne

The trials of life are not just all consuming, but leave lasting marks on our souls. How we deal and process these trials sets the tone for how our bodies and minds automatically deal with it. This process of dealing is called coping skills. We develop these coping skills usually as a child. As hard times and difficult experiences come, we take on ways to help ourselves deal. Usually, these coping skills are not always healthy. A lot of the times it depends on the role models we have in our life and how they deal with trials. We adapt our role models coping skills and run with it. There is no blame to be found in doing this, it’s our natural human response. Some people resort to drowning out their sorrows in drugs or alcohol and not dealing with tough emotions. Some people go on shopping sprees and lots of vacations to induce feel good endorphins. Some take on loads of work to avoid relationships or any change that they cannot control. A lot of people get angry and lash out. They are bitter, resentful, and linger in a state of despair. No matter what, the one thing we all have in common is that we all have trials and we all have different or even multiple ways of dealing with them.

My personnel struggle with trials all began with the coping skills I took on in face of adversity as a child. I would lash out and rearrange my room at first, because anger is something I seen and thought was how to deal. When this was not satisfying and did not resolve anything for me, I then turned to fantasy. I would go into my mind and dream of the perfect world and the perfect people and a safe place for me to escape and feel wanted and loved. I could not do this during the daytime or in crowds so then I took on smoking. If I got a little stressed, I reached for my pack of cigs and escaped to the nearest smoking section. Later, I took on avoidance and withdrawal. I would do everything to avoid conflict. I took on the responsibility of everyone’s feelings and did everything I could to control how they reacted. I became more withdrawn, afraid to voice any opinion or struggle. The fear of what others thought of me and facing more conflict controlled me. Thirty-five years later it all caught up with me and I was drowning in a sea full of fear and avoidance. I had nowhere else to go, but through. I had to face all the hurt, all the pain, all the trauma of life’s trials. Then I met a man named James and my life changed.

I met James by accident one day. I was having a really tough day. I was constantly wrestling a thought in my mind and could not for the life of me figure out the answer. The thought was, “How do people keep going, when they are in so much physical and emotional pain? What is the secret?” I knew of many people who suffered great physical tragedies and no matter the state they were in, they found a way to cope and found new meaning to life. They found joy again and I just knew if I could figure out their secret, I too could obtain that joy myself. I could learn to live a new and improved life with healthy coping skills. So, in the midst of my research, James appeared and he helped me find one of many coping strategies that would change my life.  James was a carpenter’s son. He is a common man and lived a common life. James did not believe in Jesus until the later years of his life. This was crazy to me because he grew up within such a God-fearing home. A home so surrounded with the plan of God and salvation for all. Once James surrendered to the possibilities of Jesus and his purpose, James’s life took on new meaning and He shared this one phrase that changed my life as well as his. “COUNT IT ALL JOY”

What?! Are you telling me that this is the secret to dealing with hardship? To count the hardships in my life as a joyful experience? At first, I was in denial. Trust me, there is nothing joyful about suffering abuse, neglect, and physical and mental ailments. Then James explained it to me in a way that I could not argue with and it opened my eyes to a new way of seeing things. He said to me, “Keri, count it all joy when you find yourself in the midst of a trial. This trial is a testing of where your faith stands and can produce more patience to help you push through your trials and not avoid them. So, grow your patience by pushing through this hard time. If you need guidance then just ask God and he will give you wisdom freely as long as you hold to your faith and do not waiver. Trust that He has a reason for this and it will help you in the long run!

James opened my eyes that hard times and obstacles are meant to be a stumbling block from Satan, but God has made a way for us to grow in the midst of it. We can grow our faith, patience, perseverance, and most of all our trust that when we come to the end of this trial, and an end will come, that we will see the hand of God in it. We will be stronger in mind, body, and spirit. I believe I can trust James. James is not only Jesus’ half-brother, but was a witness to Jesus’ resurrection and a martyr of the faith. If he held to the faith and found joy in the midst of struggles…, could it not work for us too?

My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers’ temptations; Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing. If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed. James 1:2-6

If James does not impress you then maybe you can take Paul’s word for it…

Therefore, being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ: By whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; And patience, experience; and experience, hope: And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us. Romans 5:1-5

How to Deal with Holiday Stress

bykeripayne

There is something I have noticed people struggling a lot with this holiday season. Depression…not just a sad disposition, but an all consuming blahness that makes one struggle to move. To feel any kind of motivation to do anything, go anywhere, or see anyone. The most troubling thing I have seen with depression is the overwhelming sense of avoidance in faith. Not faith in themselves or their abilities,  but faith as in church going, Bible reading, looking for help in his word kind of faith. So, the question no one will ask is…why when my depressions is bad, do I want to avoid anything that has to do with faith?

You would think when you are at your worst, then this is the place you would turn to. Once upon a time that was so true, but the world is changing and so are the people in it. Faith gives us purpose, and a drive to motivate us to do better, feel better, work harder.  To push through no matter what. This belief in faith is so false, and I believe it’s the rock in the bottom of the bucket. The reason we avoid God, verses, hymnal, ect when we are at our lowest point. There is a false belief that God and our faith in him require action on our part. This belief causes so much pressure. Pressure to not feel bad, pressure to work harder at being okay, pressure to deal with emotions that are overwhelming and all consuming.

Emotions are already high during this season and adding more pressure seems to overflow our bucket. Our bucket consists of all the things we are juggling. Rocks in our bucket with names on them like work, school, church, parenting, trauma, emotional scars, etc. A pile of rocks that we are constantly juggling to survive In this world. Then add on the rocks of the Christmas season and the events of the world and we are on overload. With that overload the last thing we want to deal with is the pressure Faith adds on. The guilt, the shame of the neglect of it is our tipping point and before we know it we are spirling downward… here comes the agitation, the constant feeling of frustration,  the line of negative thoughts and the overwhelming desire to be left alone and not deal with anything…are you with me, or am I the only one that feels this way? So, how does one go from this avoidance to calling out to God for help?

First, is to recognize the misunderstanding of the pressures of your Faith in God. To acknowledge that you may have a core belief about God and faith that is not true. God is a place of refuge in times of trouble, not a master of do’s and don’ts waiting with His arms crossed for you to suck it up and do better. The world and those around us have expectations that line up with this belief, but God says otherwise.

 Come unto me, all ye that labour 
and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 
Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; 
for I am meek and lowly in heart: 
and ye shall find rest unto your souls.

 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. 
Matthew 11:28-30

God says when you are labored and heavy with burdens and cares, come to Him and let Him give you rest. So how does that work? We step back from all that is going on. Take a break from the list of what needs to be done and just sit and rest. Rest until your mind is clear from the list, and your body doesn’t feel pressured to complete anything. When you transition into this frame of mind, your mind will become more clear and the Holy Spirit will be able to guide your steps in a healthier more balanced, God minded path. This path is restful without pressure of everyday life and expectations of others, but their is one ingredient you will still need.

Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace,
 whose mind is stayed on thee:
 because he trusteth in thee.

Trust ye in the Lord for ever: 
for in the Lord Jehovah is everlasting strength:
Isaiah 26:3-4

Trust. Trust is the one ingredient you can bring to the table. Without trust, your mind cannot rest. Trust that the shopping will get done. Trust that the cookies will get made. Trust that if you put aside a couple traditions this year your kids will not be missing out! Trust that teaching them to stop and rest until the fog of the Holidays clear so you can focus on His peace and His path will be a better tradition that has eternal benefits. Trust that God burdens are easy and light and if you are bogged down with expectations from God, then they are your expectations and not Gods! It will all get done in His time, and by His means! Not by ours. Let go, remove that rock from the bucket and sit back and let God provide the opportunities to arise. You never know what friend or neighbor is already standing at the door with a tray of cookies that you don’t have to make!