I havn’t posted anything in a while. I have been struggling. I have taken on a new venture for Christ teaching workshops for our women locally and it has taken everything that I have and then some. The spiritual battle is so real and has overtaken me with illness again and again. As I sit here writing this, I struggle to concentrate as a wave of vertigo has overcome me. It has left me questioning what I am doing and if I am on the path the Lord wants me on. I believe it is, but it is leaving me weary and drug out.
Does anyone else feel this way? That the effort to do anything for the Lord has become the hardest of struggles. I feel worn out, isolated, alone, question every move I make, and even question the relationships of those around me. My life is taking big turns over the last few months and I feel that God is moving in big ways. The best phrase that I can come up with is “trial by fire”. What is this trial? The best I can see and asked God to show me is the proving of my dedication to serve God. What will I endure and continue to go through to let God refine me? I think of the potter and the clay.
I was once a hard chunk of clay. Dirty, stained, and down right ugly. Then comes the potter along and picks me up. He places his hands on me. He gives me water and a gentle hand. I start to change. The more I change the more he holds me up. Its painful at times. I have to let pieces of me go. I have to change how I stand, how I look, and how I hold myself together. No longer am I a chunk of dirt, but I am becoming something worth using. I am given a foundation to stand on to hold firm to, then comes the fire.
The fire starts slow at first, and then comes on heavy. Time and time again. The heat rises over and over and never seems to stop. As the fire comes, the old me and my old coping skills no longer are useful and I am looking and trusting the potter through the window. If I can keep my eyes on Him, he reassures me that it is not for nothing. The fire will soon fade and the vessel he has molded me into will be stronger and tougher than ever. I just have to keep my eyes on the potter. The look of all the promises are in his eyes. With each wave of heat comes another promise to hold onto. To make me stronger.
The promises I have learned lately…
- Though people will come and go, God will not
- The light always follows the darkness
- The pain is all temporary
- The struggle is making me stronger
- There are strongholds to change in each of us
- My life is more than my struggles
- My relationship with God is most important
- Knowing and understanding How God sees me, can and will sustain me.
So today, I am not going to look at my struggle as why is this happening, or what have I done. I want to look at it as a place of acceptance. I accept everything that comes my way, because I trust that the Lord has a reason and that reason has purpose and a goal for my life. He is showing me His promises are true. Tell me, through your struggles, what promises have you learned? What promised has the Lord shown you to be true?
Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you: But rejoice, inasmuch as ye are partakers of Christ’s sufferings; that, when his glory shall be revealed, ye may be glad also with exceeding joy. 1Pe 4:12-13
by keri payne 