This morning I woke up feeling blah. I don’t understand how this happens, but last night I randomly slept all night. Now don’t get me wrong I am very thankful for this but, my mind was still going. I dreamed all night. Usually crazy stuff, but I woke up still feeling tired, so I guess I didn’t sleep deep enough? Sometimes this happens and I hate it. I feel tired and don’t want to do anything and just don’t care, which is not who I really am. It is nice to have days that I don’t feel like I have to get a list of 10 things done in order to feel some accomplishment for the day, but with the feeling of blahness comes a hint of anxiety. Anxious that if I don’t get this blahness under control my depression will overtake me. So, I try to push that anxious thought aside and replace it with other thoughts. “This is just for today”, “All you need to think about is getting through this day”, “There is nothing that says this will carry on through the week, or month”, “It is just about today.”
So, what can I do to concentrate on just today? Well, I can concentrate on eating good today. Ya’ll my diet is so crazy it would give the strongest person the greatest panic attack of their life. No dairy, no eggs, no gluten, no beef, no pork, no fruit, no sugar. You might as well put me in a cage and feed me bird seed. Wait, I can’t have nuts or seeds either. So, what will it be? Today its gonna be a moderate compromise. A little bit of gluten, some grilled chicken, some, carrots, and potatoes, and lots of water. All I need to worry about is food for today. What else can I think about for today? Taking each moment as it comes. Pay attention to conversations. Take time to talk to others. Get up and move every hour or two. Find a small project that is not overwhelming and force yourself to do it if necessary. Go for a walk outside or on the treadmill. Color a picture. Watch a movie. Mix it up. Don’t just sit and do nothing all day. Take a few moments to sit then do something then sit again. Find a balance. Today its all about the balance. Yes, it is going to be hard. I will have to force myself to get up. I will have to force myself to cook my food. I will have to force myself to get dressed. I will have to force myself to start any project. I will fight those feelings and overwhelming emotions that say, “I don’t feel like it, I am too tired.”
Today it is all about doing 3 things. Just 3.
Cook, get dressed, 1 coloring page. Or,
cook, get dressed, go to church. Or,
cook, get dressed, take a walk. Or,
cook, get dressed, journaling or blogging. Or,
eat leftovers, take a shower, go get groceries.
Whatever it is that gets you up and moving a little is good enough for today. Yes, it will be hard, and yes it will take a lot of energy I feel I don’t have. As I do things more energy will come. I wont worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow has troubles of its own. Its all about today and that is kind of refreshing. No expectations for tomorrow, no worries about what comes next. Just today!!!