Tag: worry

God says I am Loved…

bykeripayne 
For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish but have everlasting life. John 3:16

Most everyone knows John 3:16 and can quote is by heart. Today I want to not just know it by heart, but know it TO HEART. There is definitely a difference than “by heart” and “to heart”. “By heart” means that we can repeat it and have it in our memory. “To heart” means that we have taken it to our heart the true meaning of this verse and it brings us immeasurable comfort, joy, and peace.

I asked a group of teenage girl’s what love means to them. The list included, kindness, caring, forgiveness, gentleness. They said it was a feeling, an emotion, that we have towards another person. When we started digging deeper into our emotions, we realized that our emotions change constantly all day long. Our emotions are so sporadic and scattered that we cannot rely on them to carry out the necessary task of loving someone. So rather than love being just an emotion, we realized love is a choice. It is something we choose to do. We make a conscious effort to accept another person for who they are and treat them based on our choice to do so and not through the emotions that we have in their presence.

God’s love for us is a choice. God doesn’t love us on a whim or whatever good or bad thing we have done that day for him. God chooses to love us every day whether we are in sin or not. God sent his only son to pay for our sins. This required his son to experience fear, anxiety, pain, loneliness, betrayal, bullying, embarrassment, physical abuse, emotional abuse, and mental abuse. Jesus went through all of this to pay the cost for our sinful nature we are born into. Our sin, His sacrifice.

But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Much more then, being now justified by his blood, we shall be saved from wrath through him. Romans 5:8-9

Even when we were sinners, God chose to love us. Commendeth means to take a stand; to exhibit favour. He took a stand and showed the whole universe just how much he loved us! Not on a whim of emotion that will change with the passing of time, but as a choice that is constant and never changing. He took a stand for us, and sent his son to take our place for punishment. That is how much he loves us!

We are not a whim in Gods eyes. God chooses to love us every day, without fail, and within our sin. We can’t say that of ourselves. Someone hurts us, or makes us upset and we take our love from them and move on. God just keeps coming back over and over to prove his love for us!

One last thought for you to think about this week. God chose you just as you are, covered in sin, covered in shame, covered in regret. The person you are that is broken, confused, hurting, not worthy, arrogant, proud, and maybe even hard hearted. God chooses every day to love you!! Not for what you have done, but simply for who you are! You are his creation, his reason for existence, his joy, his sorrow, his pain, his victory, his peace, his adoration. You are all these things to Him and if he had to do everything over again, he would still choose this path of creation and sacrifice! He would still choose you!

Count It All Joy

bykeripayne

The trials of life are not just all consuming, but leave lasting marks on our souls. How we deal and process these trials sets the tone for how our bodies and minds automatically deal with it. This process of dealing is called coping skills. We develop these coping skills usually as a child. As hard times and difficult experiences come, we take on ways to help ourselves deal. Usually, these coping skills are not always healthy. A lot of the times it depends on the role models we have in our life and how they deal with trials. We adapt our role models coping skills and run with it. There is no blame to be found in doing this, it’s our natural human response. Some people resort to drowning out their sorrows in drugs or alcohol and not dealing with tough emotions. Some people go on shopping sprees and lots of vacations to induce feel good endorphins. Some take on loads of work to avoid relationships or any change that they cannot control. A lot of people get angry and lash out. They are bitter, resentful, and linger in a state of despair. No matter what, the one thing we all have in common is that we all have trials and we all have different or even multiple ways of dealing with them.

My personnel struggle with trials all began with the coping skills I took on in face of adversity as a child. I would lash out and rearrange my room at first, because anger is something I seen and thought was how to deal. When this was not satisfying and did not resolve anything for me, I then turned to fantasy. I would go into my mind and dream of the perfect world and the perfect people and a safe place for me to escape and feel wanted and loved. I could not do this during the daytime or in crowds so then I took on smoking. If I got a little stressed, I reached for my pack of cigs and escaped to the nearest smoking section. Later, I took on avoidance and withdrawal. I would do everything to avoid conflict. I took on the responsibility of everyone’s feelings and did everything I could to control how they reacted. I became more withdrawn, afraid to voice any opinion or struggle. The fear of what others thought of me and facing more conflict controlled me. Thirty-five years later it all caught up with me and I was drowning in a sea full of fear and avoidance. I had nowhere else to go, but through. I had to face all the hurt, all the pain, all the trauma of life’s trials. Then I met a man named James and my life changed.

I met James by accident one day. I was having a really tough day. I was constantly wrestling a thought in my mind and could not for the life of me figure out the answer. The thought was, “How do people keep going, when they are in so much physical and emotional pain? What is the secret?” I knew of many people who suffered great physical tragedies and no matter the state they were in, they found a way to cope and found new meaning to life. They found joy again and I just knew if I could figure out their secret, I too could obtain that joy myself. I could learn to live a new and improved life with healthy coping skills. So, in the midst of my research, James appeared and he helped me find one of many coping strategies that would change my life.  James was a carpenter’s son. He is a common man and lived a common life. James did not believe in Jesus until the later years of his life. This was crazy to me because he grew up within such a God-fearing home. A home so surrounded with the plan of God and salvation for all. Once James surrendered to the possibilities of Jesus and his purpose, James’s life took on new meaning and He shared this one phrase that changed my life as well as his. “COUNT IT ALL JOY”

What?! Are you telling me that this is the secret to dealing with hardship? To count the hardships in my life as a joyful experience? At first, I was in denial. Trust me, there is nothing joyful about suffering abuse, neglect, and physical and mental ailments. Then James explained it to me in a way that I could not argue with and it opened my eyes to a new way of seeing things. He said to me, “Keri, count it all joy when you find yourself in the midst of a trial. This trial is a testing of where your faith stands and can produce more patience to help you push through your trials and not avoid them. So, grow your patience by pushing through this hard time. If you need guidance then just ask God and he will give you wisdom freely as long as you hold to your faith and do not waiver. Trust that He has a reason for this and it will help you in the long run!

James opened my eyes that hard times and obstacles are meant to be a stumbling block from Satan, but God has made a way for us to grow in the midst of it. We can grow our faith, patience, perseverance, and most of all our trust that when we come to the end of this trial, and an end will come, that we will see the hand of God in it. We will be stronger in mind, body, and spirit. I believe I can trust James. James is not only Jesus’ half-brother, but was a witness to Jesus’ resurrection and a martyr of the faith. If he held to the faith and found joy in the midst of struggles…, could it not work for us too?

My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers’ temptations; Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing. If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed. James 1:2-6

If James does not impress you then maybe you can take Paul’s word for it…

Therefore, being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ: By whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; And patience, experience; and experience, hope: And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us. Romans 5:1-5

But…

bykeripayne

But…..

It amazes me how this one word can take whatever circumstance you are in and change everything. It can change our decisions, our plans for the day, and even our prospective of the moment. This happened to me today, and it was like an ah-hah moment and a light bulb came on and a great peace fell over me. Peace is something we all strive for daily. You can argue with that, but lets me honest here. Yes, there are some that love living in the throws of chaos and excitement and high adrenaline, but it is not a realistic level that our bodies can maintain in. The high we chase eventually fades away, and the realism of life creeps in and disappointment follows. Then the planning for the next event of chaos and excitement become priority and it becomes a never-ending cycle. Yet, peace is not like that. Peace is a place of joy like you have never known within chaos, excitement, and disappointment. How can we have peace in the midst of chaos?

This morning I was worrying. Yes, I worry. I worry about my family. I worry about the world and the direction it is going. I worry about my church and church family. All these things I worry about, yet I have no control over them. Then this morning a verse in the Bible that I have read over and over took root and a peace feel over me…

Peter therefore was kept in prison: BUT PRAYER was made without ceasing of the church of God for him. Acts 12:5

I was worrying about my family this morning. Worrying over their faith in God, their trials that may come, their direction and turns in life that are off in a distance and getting closer. I was feeling like a failure that there was nothing I can do for them. Nothing to stop whatever may happen next. No control over their free choices and how they face their battles. (Not that anything significant was going on, but a general worry for their eternal souls and growth in life) Yet, this verse gave me the peace and hope that God was in it all. But prayer. This phrase is so small and simple and easy to overlook, but when I read it this morning and grasp the meaning of this phrase a peace like no other came over me. You see, I have always prayed for my family and lived with the example of my grandmothers who taught me the importance of praying for my family, but this phrase at this perfect moment in time spoke to me on a whole different level. It opened up my mind to realize that I was doing exactly what God wanted me to do, and that was enough. Praying for my family was enough. That feeling of being a failure for my family was replaced with a peace to know that my prayers were enough. That the most important thing I can do for my family was pray!

This simple word changed the whole scenario for Peter. He went from being in prison, naked, and chained to a wall. All while being surrounded by more guards than a serial killer would have had at that time, but prayer sent an angel to lead him out of there without a scratch. It led him to a safe place where he could continue to grow. Those answers to prayer verified his faith was not in vain. Then, this morning that phrase changed my whole outcome for my family. Prayer will keep my family safe. It will protect them from whatever evil Satan has planned. Prayer has the power to bring them to a place of peace and understanding of the perfect love God has for them. Prayer will protect them from Satan and his plans. Prayer will change things, prayer does make a difference, prayer is worth all the time you can spare, prayer can be enough!

One Day at a Time…

bykeripayne

This morning I woke up feeling blah. I don’t understand how this happens, but last night I randomly slept all night. Now don’t get me wrong I am very thankful for this but, my mind was still going. I dreamed all night. Usually crazy stuff, but I woke up still feeling tired, so I guess I didn’t sleep deep enough? Sometimes this happens and I hate it. I feel tired and don’t want to do anything and just don’t care, which is not who I really am. It is nice to have days that I don’t feel like I have to get a list of 10 things done in order to feel some accomplishment for the day, but with the feeling of blahness comes a hint of anxiety. Anxious that if I don’t get this blahness under control my depression will overtake me. So, I try to push that anxious thought aside and replace it with other thoughts. “This is just for today”, “All you need to think about is getting through this day”, “There is nothing that says this will carry on through the week, or month”, “It is just about today.”

So, what can I do to concentrate on just today? Well, I can concentrate on eating good today. Ya’ll my diet is so crazy it would give the strongest person the greatest panic attack of their life. No dairy, no eggs, no gluten, no beef, no pork, no fruit, no sugar. You might as well put me in a cage and feed me bird seed. Wait, I can’t have nuts or seeds either. So, what will it be? Today its gonna be a moderate compromise. A little bit of gluten, some grilled chicken, some, carrots, and potatoes, and lots of water. All I need to worry about is food for today. What else can I think about for today? Taking each moment as it comes. Pay attention to conversations. Take time to talk to others. Get up and move every hour or two. Find a small project that is not overwhelming and force yourself to do it if necessary. Go for a walk outside or on the treadmill. Color a picture. Watch a movie. Mix it up. Don’t just sit and do nothing all day. Take a few moments to sit then do something then sit again. Find a balance. Today its all about the balance. Yes, it is going to be hard. I will have to force myself to get up. I will have to force myself to cook my food. I will have to force myself to get dressed. I will have to force myself to start any project. I will fight those feelings and overwhelming emotions that say, “I don’t feel like it, I am too tired.”

Today it is all about doing 3 things. Just 3.

Cook, get dressed, 1 coloring page. Or,

cook, get dressed, go to church. Or,

cook, get dressed, take a walk. Or,

cook, get dressed, journaling or blogging. Or,

eat leftovers, take a shower, go get groceries.

Whatever it is that gets you up and moving a little is good enough for today. Yes, it will be hard, and yes it will take a lot of energy I feel I don’t have. As I do things more energy will come. I wont worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow has troubles of its own. Its all about today and that is kind of refreshing. No expectations for tomorrow, no worries about what comes next. Just today!!!

Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Matthew 6:34