Author: bykeripayne

Hi! I'm Keri Payne. I am an author, hobby entrepreneur, artist, wife, mother, friend, believer in God, and survivor. I am living my best life with God's help as I struggle along with physical and mental health issues. "One day at a time" as the old saying goes, until I have finished my course!

Count It All Joy

bykeripayne

The trials of life are not just all consuming, but leave lasting marks on our souls. How we deal and process these trials sets the tone for how our bodies and minds automatically deal with it. This process of dealing is called coping skills. We develop these coping skills usually as a child. As hard times and difficult experiences come, we take on ways to help ourselves deal. Usually, these coping skills are not always healthy. A lot of the times it depends on the role models we have in our life and how they deal with trials. We adapt our role models coping skills and run with it. There is no blame to be found in doing this, it’s our natural human response. Some people resort to drowning out their sorrows in drugs or alcohol and not dealing with tough emotions. Some people go on shopping sprees and lots of vacations to induce feel good endorphins. Some take on loads of work to avoid relationships or any change that they cannot control. A lot of people get angry and lash out. They are bitter, resentful, and linger in a state of despair. No matter what, the one thing we all have in common is that we all have trials and we all have different or even multiple ways of dealing with them.

My personnel struggle with trials all began with the coping skills I took on in face of adversity as a child. I would lash out and rearrange my room at first, because anger is something I seen and thought was how to deal. When this was not satisfying and did not resolve anything for me, I then turned to fantasy. I would go into my mind and dream of the perfect world and the perfect people and a safe place for me to escape and feel wanted and loved. I could not do this during the daytime or in crowds so then I took on smoking. If I got a little stressed, I reached for my pack of cigs and escaped to the nearest smoking section. Later, I took on avoidance and withdrawal. I would do everything to avoid conflict. I took on the responsibility of everyone’s feelings and did everything I could to control how they reacted. I became more withdrawn, afraid to voice any opinion or struggle. The fear of what others thought of me and facing more conflict controlled me. Thirty-five years later it all caught up with me and I was drowning in a sea full of fear and avoidance. I had nowhere else to go, but through. I had to face all the hurt, all the pain, all the trauma of life’s trials. Then I met a man named James and my life changed.

I met James by accident one day. I was having a really tough day. I was constantly wrestling a thought in my mind and could not for the life of me figure out the answer. The thought was, “How do people keep going, when they are in so much physical and emotional pain? What is the secret?” I knew of many people who suffered great physical tragedies and no matter the state they were in, they found a way to cope and found new meaning to life. They found joy again and I just knew if I could figure out their secret, I too could obtain that joy myself. I could learn to live a new and improved life with healthy coping skills. So, in the midst of my research, James appeared and he helped me find one of many coping strategies that would change my life.  James was a carpenter’s son. He is a common man and lived a common life. James did not believe in Jesus until the later years of his life. This was crazy to me because he grew up within such a God-fearing home. A home so surrounded with the plan of God and salvation for all. Once James surrendered to the possibilities of Jesus and his purpose, James’s life took on new meaning and He shared this one phrase that changed my life as well as his. “COUNT IT ALL JOY”

What?! Are you telling me that this is the secret to dealing with hardship? To count the hardships in my life as a joyful experience? At first, I was in denial. Trust me, there is nothing joyful about suffering abuse, neglect, and physical and mental ailments. Then James explained it to me in a way that I could not argue with and it opened my eyes to a new way of seeing things. He said to me, “Keri, count it all joy when you find yourself in the midst of a trial. This trial is a testing of where your faith stands and can produce more patience to help you push through your trials and not avoid them. So, grow your patience by pushing through this hard time. If you need guidance then just ask God and he will give you wisdom freely as long as you hold to your faith and do not waiver. Trust that He has a reason for this and it will help you in the long run!

James opened my eyes that hard times and obstacles are meant to be a stumbling block from Satan, but God has made a way for us to grow in the midst of it. We can grow our faith, patience, perseverance, and most of all our trust that when we come to the end of this trial, and an end will come, that we will see the hand of God in it. We will be stronger in mind, body, and spirit. I believe I can trust James. James is not only Jesus’ half-brother, but was a witness to Jesus’ resurrection and a martyr of the faith. If he held to the faith and found joy in the midst of struggles…, could it not work for us too?

My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers’ temptations; Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing. If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed. James 1:2-6

If James does not impress you then maybe you can take Paul’s word for it…

Therefore, being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ: By whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; And patience, experience; and experience, hope: And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us. Romans 5:1-5

How to Deal with Holiday Stress

bykeripayne

There is something I have noticed people struggling a lot with this holiday season. Depression…not just a sad disposition, but an all consuming blahness that makes one struggle to move. To feel any kind of motivation to do anything, go anywhere, or see anyone. The most troubling thing I have seen with depression is the overwhelming sense of avoidance in faith. Not faith in themselves or their abilities,  but faith as in church going, Bible reading, looking for help in his word kind of faith. So, the question no one will ask is…why when my depressions is bad, do I want to avoid anything that has to do with faith?

You would think when you are at your worst, then this is the place you would turn to. Once upon a time that was so true, but the world is changing and so are the people in it. Faith gives us purpose, and a drive to motivate us to do better, feel better, work harder.  To push through no matter what. This belief in faith is so false, and I believe it’s the rock in the bottom of the bucket. The reason we avoid God, verses, hymnal, ect when we are at our lowest point. There is a false belief that God and our faith in him require action on our part. This belief causes so much pressure. Pressure to not feel bad, pressure to work harder at being okay, pressure to deal with emotions that are overwhelming and all consuming.

Emotions are already high during this season and adding more pressure seems to overflow our bucket. Our bucket consists of all the things we are juggling. Rocks in our bucket with names on them like work, school, church, parenting, trauma, emotional scars, etc. A pile of rocks that we are constantly juggling to survive In this world. Then add on the rocks of the Christmas season and the events of the world and we are on overload. With that overload the last thing we want to deal with is the pressure Faith adds on. The guilt, the shame of the neglect of it is our tipping point and before we know it we are spirling downward… here comes the agitation, the constant feeling of frustration,  the line of negative thoughts and the overwhelming desire to be left alone and not deal with anything…are you with me, or am I the only one that feels this way? So, how does one go from this avoidance to calling out to God for help?

First, is to recognize the misunderstanding of the pressures of your Faith in God. To acknowledge that you may have a core belief about God and faith that is not true. God is a place of refuge in times of trouble, not a master of do’s and don’ts waiting with His arms crossed for you to suck it up and do better. The world and those around us have expectations that line up with this belief, but God says otherwise.

 Come unto me, all ye that labour 
and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 
Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; 
for I am meek and lowly in heart: 
and ye shall find rest unto your souls.

 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. 
Matthew 11:28-30

God says when you are labored and heavy with burdens and cares, come to Him and let Him give you rest. So how does that work? We step back from all that is going on. Take a break from the list of what needs to be done and just sit and rest. Rest until your mind is clear from the list, and your body doesn’t feel pressured to complete anything. When you transition into this frame of mind, your mind will become more clear and the Holy Spirit will be able to guide your steps in a healthier more balanced, God minded path. This path is restful without pressure of everyday life and expectations of others, but their is one ingredient you will still need.

Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace,
 whose mind is stayed on thee:
 because he trusteth in thee.

Trust ye in the Lord for ever: 
for in the Lord Jehovah is everlasting strength:
Isaiah 26:3-4

Trust. Trust is the one ingredient you can bring to the table. Without trust, your mind cannot rest. Trust that the shopping will get done. Trust that the cookies will get made. Trust that if you put aside a couple traditions this year your kids will not be missing out! Trust that teaching them to stop and rest until the fog of the Holidays clear so you can focus on His peace and His path will be a better tradition that has eternal benefits. Trust that God burdens are easy and light and if you are bogged down with expectations from God, then they are your expectations and not Gods! It will all get done in His time, and by His means! Not by ours. Let go, remove that rock from the bucket and sit back and let God provide the opportunities to arise. You never know what friend or neighbor is already standing at the door with a tray of cookies that you don’t have to make!

What can make the biggest and quickest change in your circumstance?

bykeripayne
Embrace the Change
Embrace the Change

What can make the biggest and quickest change in your circumstances?

I was talking to my therapist, yes therapist, and he asked me the question, what has changed? First, I am not afraid or ashamed to tell you that I talk to a therapist. If you have trouble with your back, your heart, or healing from a broken arm you get therapy to help strength the part of the body that needs help. Why is the brain not any different? Why do we judge and look down on those who are brave enough to say, something is not right, and I need help to strengthen it? Anyway, my therapist was wanting to know what had changed for me since that last time I talked with him. I was calmer, more at peace, and something was positively different. I noticed it too as I sat contently aware with having a full night’s rest. It had been so long since I received that. “There are two things that are different,” I replied. My diet and my perspective. “Really? How is that?” he asked. This is my reply and I hope you can find some help in it as well…

As my therapist knows, I suffer with chronic health issues. One particular issue I had struggled with in the weeks before this appointment had been chronic thrush, insomnia, and a head cold. While struggling with these issues, my body had gotten to a place that it was not responding to the medicine I was taking. No matter what I took prescription, high dosage, etc. the symptoms of my chronic thrush would not subside and blisters were starting to form on my tongue. The only way out of this was through, and with going through meant facing more diet challenges. Starting on the day the sores appeared, I take steps to go on a low carb diet. 50 grams or less per a day. Some call it Keto, I call it living like my ancestors did. Within a week my symptoms were gone, my anxiety was at bay, and I was sleeping all through the night! All by just lowering my carb intake. Now take in mind, I already was on a gluten free, low dairy, no acid diet. Adding low carb which gave me energy and helped keep my colitis at bay was SCARY. I was scared of starving to death! It took me three days with no carbs at first, then added in the low carb and today I feel so much better. My mind is more focused, I have energy, I am calmer.

The second thing was a belief I was carrying around that was keeping me stuck! That belief was God was letting me suffer for no reason! Let’s be honest! Even none believers ask the question, “If God loved us, then why does he let us suffer?” Its not the question or the answer that keeps us stuck, but the belief behind the question. If we truly believed that God was good, we would not question his motive for not rescuing us. My whole life I never believed that God was good, and could be nothing but good. I believed God to be selfish and want his way no matter what I went through. I believed that if I was suffering then I deserved it for a reason. I believed that God was using my suffering to teach me a lesson. At surface level all these conclusions make sense. Yet, being in the midst of the storm, this belief makes it impossible to have hope, and I know God wants me to have hope in Him. So, what it is that is wrong? What is this belief that I carry that keeps me from having so much peace? That God was both good and bad? The truth is that God is and can only be good!

 Let no man say when he is tempted, I am tempted of God: for God cannot be tempted with evil, neither tempteth he any man:But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed. Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death.Do not err, my beloved brethren. Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning. James 1:13-17

God had led me to study James in the Bible and in my reading for this particular day these verses came to life. I had read them many times before, but today they came alive and penetrated me deep into my soul. God cannot be tempted of evil neither can he tempt any man. What? A truth hidden in plain sight! God cannot be full of goodness and evil. He has to be one or the other. The next part of this verse tells us where temptation, or trials as defined in the Hebrew language, comes into play. They are not placed in our path by our loving God, they are instilled within our desires and the sinful nature we are born with. A common thing that all humans have and struggle with. This small revelation, made a huge impact on my life at that moment and helped me with the belief that God is good. It changed my perspective! In changing my perspective, it changed this belief that I had been carrying around my whole life.

Within a week, I had two things that made a quick change in my health and in my peace. A balanced diet, and a change in perspective. Now, I am not saying these things are a must for everyone, but what I am saying is that in God’s time, and within my circumstance these were the right steps for me to take. Maybe, you are struggling with chronic health issues, but not eating well? Maybe you have a core belief that you have instilled in your soul that keeps you from having peace? Either way, I know someone who can give you the answers you are looking for, and he is just a prayer away to reveal them to you! Just be honest with him about your thoughts towards him, and be honest with yourself about the daily choices you make and the fear that drives them!

God’s Gifts During Struggle

bykeripayne

Struggle, struggle, struggle. I am beginning to think this is my middle name. Not only am I struggling to feel joy, but I am struggling to come up with anything to write about. I just don’t feel the spirit leading me in that way. I also think I have so much going-on I am definitely compartmentalizing my mind and my activities. Market days are ahead and I am low on inventory. Low is actually an understatement. I don’t have anything! Trying to work around sickness, church, family time, family members with covid, and more personal sickness. To me, household chores are consuming enough. Then you add on a craft business and wham! I am thinking, “What are you doing?” Not to mention my book and my blog, and another book sitting in the files of the computer waiting for attention and the holy spirit to guide me forward. In the midst of all this I feel overwhelmed, I feel pressure, I feel a need to perform at my best. The one thing I am trying to concentrate on instead is gratefulness.I am so blessed beyond what I deserve, but I am constantly getting overwhelmed and lost in the sickness and pressures of life. Everyday I never know what to expect, and this expectation scares me. Will I be hurting today, or sick to my stomach? Will I be depressed and not motivated, or anxious and can’t sit still? These are just a couple examples of the questions I constantly roll over in my mind as I open my eyes to face the day. Every day, I try to push them aside and concentrate on the blessings I have. Trying to stir up some emotion. Any emotion, to feel something other than the all-consuming dread of what I may face today that is not pleasant. As I do this day after day, I realize that counting my blessing isn’t the problem. Being thankful is not the problem. What if the problem might be understanding the goodness of God? In the midst of all my pain, suffering, and blessings how can I grasp the concept that God is good all the time? How can I reach up and grasp hope without crashing when my hopes don’t come to fruition? These are the true questions that are keeping my focus in the midst of my struggling.

As I search for answers, I have found there are a couple of core beliefs that I have mixed up in my mind. I believe these core beliefs are part of my problem. The first one is, if God truly loved me, he would not be giving me this trial, and if he truly cared he would deliver me from it. Second one is, if I don’t control my sickness, I am not going to live that long and it will be my fault. So, with these beliefs, I dig into my bible and look for validation in it. Is this way of thinking accurate to how things are and how God is? These are the verses that brought clarity to me.

James 1:13-14 Let no man say when he is tempted (facing a trial), I am tempted of (from) God: for God cannot be tempted with evil, neither tempteth he any man: But every man is tempted, when he drawn away of his own lust (desires), and enticed. Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death. Do not err, my beloved brethren. Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning.

I am going to break down my scenario using this verse. Its like solving a riddle using the word of God as a guide.

Tempted/ facing a trial- My trial is my multiple sicknesses. I don’t like to talk about my health issues, but I would like to give you a glimpse of how it can be all consuming for me. I struggle with Ulcerative colitis, Interstitial cystitis, Migraines, Sjogrens syndrome, Complex post traumatic stress disorder, depression, chronic thrush, and insomnia. Everything I eat can either make these worse or better, yet each illness has its own diet to follow. By the time I get done crossing off the list of things I can’t eat, I am left with very little that won’t sustain me. Trust me I have tried! Not only am I struggling with pain and other annoying issues with each illness, every time I eat, I face the fear of the consequence it may have.

Drawn away of his own lust- My lust or my desire is to not be sick. To not face the struggle that illness can play in my life every day. To avoid pain, fatigue, starvation, anxiety, and depression. To look for a cure and to find the right diet that will be healing and sustain me without symptoms. To take responsibility for my health and gain some control of it all.

Lust hath conceived- When I fall into the role of trying to control, I am neck deep in my lust/desire to not be sick and even deeper in the trap of avoidance. Avoid food, avoid situations, avoid people, avoid anything that will make my illnesses increase in intensity. The trap of avoidance is an all-consuming pit of despair and leaves you feeling hopeless. The more control I think I have, the more faith I put in myself, in the next medicine, in the next doctor’s visit, leaves me in a never ending roller coaster of emotions.

Bringeth forth sin- The sin, I believe, is the dwelling on the problem and a solution. Dwelling on the avoidance, dwelling on my diet, dwelling on my suffering and pain. The funny thing is when I looked for the definition for dwelling this is what came up: A place where someone lives. A house or structure in which someone lives. Where your attention and focus are directed. Not only am I constantly making my bed in the midst of my struggle, but I am constantly focused and have my attention there.

And sin when it is finished bringeth forth death- sin without repentance bringeth forth death. I believe that when you ask for forgiveness of your sins and acknowledge God as the giver of life and Jesus as the sacrifice for sin, then your soul is sealed and there is nothing that can take you away from God and your place in heaven; but I also believe that Satan’s goal for all people is to pull their focus away from God, away from growing in him, away from witnessing what God has done for them. Most importantly he wants you to question God and doubt his ways. Especially as a non-believer looking for answers. As I get stuck in my desire for control and my entire focus is on my circumstance, then my focus is not on God or our relationship. My focus is on me and only me. My desire for relief becomes so strong and consuming it takes up every spare moment I have. I struggle to get past the noise in my head and truly focus on my relationship with God and what he can do for me instead of the fleshly pain I am in. I especially get lost in it when I continue to struggle day after day and God does not seem to answer my prayers.

Every Good and perfect gift comes from above- God’s good and perfect gift from above is not the same good and perfect gift we think it is. We think that Gods good and perfect gifts are answered prayers, health, financial stability, spiritual feeling of wholeness, and consistent joy. These are the things I always thought were true. It brings me back to those core beliefs I have. If God loves me, he would not give me this trial and if you cared he would deliver me. Verse 13 states… Let no man say when he is tempted (facing a trial), I am tempted of (from) God: for God cannot be tempted with evil, neither tempteth he any man… Trials do not come from God. Trials come from living in this sinful world and dealing with our own personal desires. Satan knows our desires and he has the power to place obstacles, thoughts, and people in our path to deter us and lead us astray. Yet, inside the trial and circumstance, God has a good and perfect gift that I never understood until now.

What is this good and perfect gift you ask? The gifts we receive from God our not necessary to sustain our physical desires, but to fill our emotional and spiritual needs. Gods main focus is the salvation and spiritual growth of our souls. Everything God does is for our benefit in these areas. Satan’s goal is to use all his power to attack you and distract this from happening. When we are consumed with our struggle, we see the pain and daily grind of pushing through it, while God sees the growth in character and fruits it is producing. What is also amazing is the other great gifts God has given us to help us through these difficult times.

The list goes on and on, but these are just a few to know the love that God has for you is real and the gifts he wants for you are everlasting. Just think about that. God’s gifts are everlasting and will sustain us! His gifts are everything we need to make it through this world. The only thing we needed is for us to trust and believe in them.

Drowning in Life’s Struggles

bykeripayne

“Just another day in Paradise,” are the words of my youngest son when I asked how his school day went. The honest words of a boy and his sarcastic view on an activity he did not like to do. Today, that was how I felt as I laid my head down on my pillow at bed time. Instead of paradise, I replaced it with misery. Today was another endless day of struggles with chronic illness. One or two days in a row I can handle and keep my head above water. Things don’t look too bad and hope is in the air. When I get to day 5 and 6 of endless pain and fatigue, my mind takes a turn for the deep end of the pool. I can feel myself slowly sinking. As I take a step forward, and no answers or relief are insight, my head starts to go under. My thinking becomes foggy and unclear. My focus is stuck in a whirlpool of emotions and thoughts that become heavy. Before I know it, the heaviness is leading me down into a darker place and I am only able to conjure up the energy to do the basic survival skills. Treading water in the midst of the fogginess takes up everything I have and it takes all my energy not to sink any deeper. Sometimes I look up to see if anyone is coming to rescue me. I see the faces of my friends and family standing on the side of the pool. Their faces are in anguish as they struggle to come up with any idea that can help pull me back to the shallow end. The longer I stay under the more helpless I feel. The more helpless they feel. We become distant with each other as the pool I am sinking in becomes lonely. Sometimes I wonder, “Why don’t they just jump in.” If they would just jump in maybe I could grab ahold of their foot and pull myself up. The realization comes to me, that if they jump in and I pull on them they will sink too. The foggy water can be so consuming for anyone that spends time in it too long. The truth is, there in only one that can get in the water with me and not sink. That person is Jesus. That person alone has the power and abilities to pull me out, but as I continue to pray, it becomes evident that God the Father wants me to swim to the surface on my own. Jesus will be with me every step of the way. He will never leave me nor forsake me, but sometimes God says, “Today my child, instead of me allowing Jesus to pull you from the depths, today I want you to learn how you can swim to the top. My power lies within you, you just got to dig down deep into your thoughts and in your soul and find that one thing that is making you sink. Jesus can deliver you instantly and it will be food for a day, but you can dig down deep and learn what it is that is pulling you down and you can be free for much longer. Jesus will hold you, give you the air you need and the strength to tread water for as long as you need. You have my promise you will not sink too deep because you are mine and I am yours.” As I hold onto that promise I start to dig deep and find that one thing that is missing. That one thought, that one lifeline of hope. Then I realize that hope is what is missing. The thoughts of being alone, the thoughts of were my pain and suffering can lead me to. All of this, plus not having answers to medical issues has left me with no hope. So how do I gain my hope back? Well, I start in the place that has answers. The bible.

I started reading about David this morning when he was stuck in the cave hiding from Saul, and when the philistines overtook him in Gath. The constant theme is trust. David is in the midst of his enemies and he is trusting God in all of it. Myself, I struggle with the calamity at hand (my anxiety and worries) as it overwhelms my thoughts and emotions to the point that trust is a distant emotion. For David trust gives hope. Trust is the lifesaving ring floating at the top of the pool. When I can grab that trust, then hope is attainable. Yet, how do I get trust close to me? How can I trust anything, when I am so consumed with the problem at hand?

As I sit and ponder and continue to read about David, the realization comes to me that being consumed with thoughts of the problem is the problem. I need a break from the problem. I can keep busy today doing housework, or projects; but lets me honest here, that in itself can be kind of depressing and bring on its own set worries and negative emotions. Who really finds great joy in cleaning all day? The end result can bring me joy. Looking back on all the work I was able to accomplish and how neat and tidy everything is can give me a sense of accomplishment. Yet, accomplishment is not the goal. The goal today is to get a little bit closer to trusting God in the midst of the anguish. Well, if anyone can tell us how we can get a little closer to trust it will be David. So, what does David do in the midst of his anguish? We see a pattern over and over again in the psalms of David as he cries out to God in prayer and in song to God.

Psalm 56:1-12

 Be merciful unto me, O God: for man would swallow me up; he fighting daily oppresseth me. Mine enemies would daily swallow me up: for they be many that fight against me, O thou most High. What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee. In God I will praise his word, in God I have put my trust; I will not fear what flesh can do unto me. Every day they wrest my words: all their thoughts are against me for evil. They gather themselves together, they hide themselves, they mark my steps, when they wait for my soul. Shall they escape by iniquity? in thine anger cast down the people, O God. Thou tellest my wanderings: put thou my tears into thy bottle: are they not in thy book? When I cry unto thee, then shall mine enemies turn back: this I know; for God is for me. In God will I praise his word: in the Lord will I praise his word. In God have I put my trust: I will not be afraid what man can do unto me. Thy vows are upon me, O God: I will render praises unto thee.
  1. David cries out for mercy to the one he recognizes as the most powerful, most living, most high. He does this while acknowledging his dilemma. He is honest. Honest about his struggle, honest about how tired and oppressed he is with fighting his enemy. Honest about who the enemy is.
  2. He states what he believes in. This is a strategic move on David’s part. Not just for God to know where his heart lies, but for Satan to know whose army he is a solider of.
  3. Next, He gives more detail about his struggle. He opens up to God and bares his heart to him. He voices his inner most fears and deepest struggle of the fight he is in. He does not walk in denial of it, or in the shame of it. He owns the struggles by not placing blame on others, but stating the facts of how the enemy is pushing his buttons.
  4. Then he asks God questions. Oh Yes! He questions God. A conversation is a two-way street. We engage in conversation with questions. It is not a one-sided conversation for David to have with God, but he engages God to speak back to him. God speaks back through the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit has the ability to open up his mind and his perspective and give him a sense of peace and understanding. The Spirit can shower him with confidence in his position in Gods army. The spirit does this by reminding David of Gods promises. The promises that God cares enough to put his tears in a bottle, and the promise that when he cries to God his enemies will retreat.
  5. Lastly, David states again where his confidence lies. He does it for God, for the enemy, and for himself.

The more we repeat something, the more we will believe it. We will find in David’s writings and songs that he is constantly going back and forth from stating his dilemma and the facts of it followed up by his belief and promises of God. I think this is key in moving forward in the battle we are facing. We tend to get so lost in the struggle and sink from the heaviness of the pain. We meditate on the pain looking for answers, we talk about it to others. It becomes our focus that we are consumed with it and the negativity it brings. What we are missing is the balance. The balance of stating our dilemma while also focusing on the truth of what we can trust in. Facts that we can hold onto. Facts about out God, and facts about our situation that are not heavy.

David had hope and trust because he did not let the struggle consume all of him and his thoughts. He had a balance of verbalizing his struggle followed with verbalizing what his God can do with that struggle and the positive facts that are within that struggle. So today, I am going to focus on the balance. In my conversations with others, with my prayers to God, and with my thoughts as I go throughout my day. I will change my “but” statements to an “and” statement.

I will state the struggle, and follow with Gods love for me.I will be honest about how much I dislike God’s strategy to let me flounder to the top of the pool and not rescue me, and I will state the promises of growth he says will come from gaining that balance to float to the top.

I will be honest about the facts of my enemy and how it makes me feel, and I will verbalize the power my God has to help me overcome the enemy and all the grief that surrounds me.

I will ask God for a clear mind, honest perspective, and tell my enemy whose child I am; and I will praise God in worship, in song, and remember where I was and what he has already brought me through.

Before long, I trust that I am going to believe even deeper and stronger in the promises of God and trust in his plan and have hope within my circumstance. The more you repeat something the more your soul with believe it. We can rise in the midst of anguish. I can find peace in the current of suffering. I can’t control my illness, but I can control the thoughts about it and how I choose to deal with it. It will be hard. It will take time and effort I feel I don’t have. But God, will give me the strength to do this and the wisdom to grab hold of thoughts and beliefs that are firm and I can believe in. So, lets do this!

P.S. Are you struggling with Chronic Health issues and feel like no one understands? Share this with those that are close to you. Help give them some insight to what you are going through.

Do you have a friend that suffers? Share this with them so they know they are not alone and you are trying to understand!

A Break from the Noise

bykeripayne

A Christian Meditation to help calm the mind and bring you back into the moment.

I woke up today feeling well rested and blessed for the day before me. I said my mooning prayers and somewhere in the midst my mind started to wander. My mind often wanders. Its my struggle that I deal with, especially during prayer time. As my mind began wandering, I started thinking about the day ahead. The things I hoped to get done. The feelings of joy started to come with thoughts of the activities I loved to do. It all began to wash over me. The more I thought about what I was going to do, the more oppressed I became. The joy started to fade quickly and an overwhelming sense of dread started to to creep in. Those things that I enjoy doing became more of a list I will never get done. Before I know it, I was neck deep in a mind full of task I could not get completed. A sense of failure came over me and the day looked depressing and lonely. I did it again! I told myself I would not do this and here I am drowning in the pressures to get everything done today and feeling hopeless. I was stuck! Stuck in my mind of this cycle of dread. Every time I tried to bring my mind back to the moment it would wander back to the list of things to do. It was at the forefront of my mind and it was not budging. I had to break this cycle of thoughts! I had to get a break from the noise!

I remembered hearing a quote the day before and an idea came to mind! That would be a great meditation exercise to reset my mind. To bring my focus back on the things that God wants me to do today and not on the list of tasks to complete. The thought was, “being in the circle of God.” What does that look like? Well let’s paint the picture and find out and see how it develops.

I will play this on a podcast so you can close your eyes and just follow along, but if you don’t have access to the podcast then I will picture it in words as you read.

“Standing in the presence of God”

I walk up to the gates of what looks like an arena. There are two angels standing on either side of the gate entrance. Their wings are bigger than they are and pointed at the top as they slightly bow forward a foot above their heads. Their halos are iridescent. As they turn their heads you can get a glimpse of the shimmer that the halo is there. The halo is not meant to draw attention or mark any significance in their stature. It’s just a small glow to let you know who they are. The sense of who they are brings you peace, but what really makes you relax is the look on their faces. Their faces are white with a hint of pigment. So soft and smooth without blemish. Their eyes are kind and their lips are small, yet the warmth of a smile seems to be their constant facial expression. The look they give you is so warm and inviting it gives you a sense of peace. A peace that says you belong here, you are safe here, you can rest here for awhile and nothing else matters as much as this moment in time. Their arms outstretch and beckon you to enter the gate of the arena. As you step forward you see the arena has no top and a light so bright and beautiful radiates out the top in all directions. It gives off a sense of power, yet not a power to fear, but a power that brings on a sense of awe and respect. That this place is reverent. Holy. Worthy of respect, and worthy of you to enter. As you walk through the gates, the gates remain open behind you. Your eyes travel around to get the lay of the land. An arena about 30 ft in height and 30 ft in diameter surround you. The base of the arena is a circle surrounded by a wall about 6 ft high. Above that 6ft wall is a ledge where there are seats. Only one row of seats surrounds the arena. These seats are seats like you have never seen before. They have tall backs with arms. They look comfortable yet very prestigious. Almost like those chairs you see at the front of the church for the pastor, but as you look closer, they are made of carved wood with beautiful designs and gems and crystals of all kinds are imbedded in the back, arms and legs of each chair. Each with their own unique design and flare. They have a cushion in the seat area that looks soft and inviting. The color of the cushions is a color never seen before by man. As you look around again you notice the seats are full. Full of men and women. You don’t know how you know this, but you know each and every person sitting in them. Moses, Enoch, and Noah are on your left side. Along with Esther, Deborah, and Bathsheba. On the other side is Peter, David and Paul, as well as Jonah, John the Baptist, and Mary the mother of Jesus. The stories of each person flash before your eyes and gives you a sense that you know these people. They are talking among themselves and smiling down on you. There are many more there you know, but you concentrate on the feeling it brings you to be in their Prescence. A feeling that you have always known these people comes over you and feel like you belong and are among kindred spirits. Then very softly there is a voice that comes from above and says, “Welcome to the circle of God’s love.” Everyone goes quiet and the look of anticipation comes over their faces. The look of love and respect, yet a look that says they feel blessed to be there in that moment. All their eyes turn and focus to the end of the area that it straight ahead of you. Opposite from the gate where I came in. You notice then there is a throne like you have never seen. It is so much bigger than all the other chairs in the arena. It is made of pure gold and is exquisite in design and size. To the right-hand side, your left, is another chair the same size as all the rest yet made of gold like the large throne. A man walks up and sits in the chair. He has a smile on his face so big. He looks like he is trying to reign in his excitement he is so happy. He continues to smile at you and your level of comfort and ease takes on a whole new level. You are wanted here. You belong here. You are worthy to be here. Then with a sound of trumpets everyone stands up and a pillar of light comes in from behind the throne and sits. Everyone sits after he does and the excitement in the room is contagious. Everyone is happy, every one is excited, but what comes across in their body language is this is their favorite time and place to be. What comes next is so amazing that it brings joy to the bystanders that are watching from above.

The white pillar of glowing light sits warmly in the throne and a sense of warmth comes over you. It starts in your heart and slowly spreads out into the limbs of your body. Your chest gets warm then your stomach, your neck and pelvis, your arms, legs, and finally your head. They are filled with a warmth that can only be described as a deep sense of love. A love so deep you feel a freedom that is indescribable. No guilt, no shame, no pain exists here. You feel light as air, as almost you are floating above the floor of the arena. Nothing else matters, but this moment. Then the white pillar leans forward and his face becomes clear. A face so calming and serene a tear comes to your eyes. All the thoughts and fears you ever had slowly slip away as you focus on this man, this God in front of you. Your God. His eyes are full of acceptance, his posture is full of care and concern. The realization of being in God’s presence causes the tears to fall freely. As your tears fall, you feel a sense of relief. A sense of calmness, a sense of belonging. The God before you says, “welcome my child.” Sitting next to him on the right side in the similar throne is Jesus. You didn’t recognize him before, but you do now. With every tear you cry, he is crying too. As you look down, a band of angles surrounds you with bottles, catching your tears as they fall. You look to David and he has a look on his face that says, “see, I told ya.” A family. A deep sense of family comes over you and that is what consumes you. All these people are like family and you belong to them and they to you. This is a safe place, your place. Your focus comes back to God and he is smiling down on you as you take it all in. He can see your thoughts and feel your emotions. He is patient and kind and is in no hurry as you absorb the magnitude of your circumstance. Then he speaks calmly and with such grace and love, another tear falls to the angels with their bottles. “Welcome to my circle of love, my beloved child. I am so happy you are here. This circle represents the deepest aspects of my love. These people here are all recipients of my love. They each have received love from me in different ways, and in different parts of their life. The stories of my love for them I have given to you to bring comfort, joy, and peace to know there is no depth I will not go to make sure you know that I love you. Also, for you to know in all things I will forgive you, comfort you, grow you, and strengthen you. My child, you are so important to me, and I cherish the time we spend together in pray and in my words. Today, this day, is not just your day, it is not just your pressure, it is ours. I am with you where ever you go. I am there to share your load, I am there to help guide you and choose a path, I am there to hold you up when you feel weak, and I am there to guard and protect you when things in life come at you that may be too much. Today, I promise to love you no matter what comes, I promise to love you no matter how much you accomplish. My darling child, today is just a day. Tomorrow will come and the day after that. There is plenty of time to get things done. There is plenty of opportunity to get things accomplished. Today, whatever we do together will be enough. Today, just you being present with me is enough. Today I want you to know, I am with you. Today, I want you to know I care for what you care for, I feel for what you feel for. Today, you are enough and whatever you can give is enough. My dearest child, I got you! I have your time, I have your task, I have your responsibilities and I have your worries and fears. Today I want you to know I will make sure you get it all done, because in my time it is enough. Today, just take one step in front of the other and I will be there to show you, guide you, and give you peace to know together we are enough.”

Now open your eyes. Do you feel the presence of God? He is with you, he will guide your next move, he will help you through this day. Now you just take a step and see what adventure He has in stored and not what your mind tells you must be done.

Ecclesiastes 3:1
To Everything there is a season. A
time to every purpose under the 
Heavens...

What’s the Purpose of Being Still?

bykeripayne

These past couple weeks life has been a complete roller coaster. My anxiety and depression are all over the place as well as uncertainty and a lack of hope and purpose. I guess I have been second guessing everything I have been doing. When I really stop and try to see what this all stems from, it comes from a place of control. You see, if I can control what is going on around me, then I can control the depression, the anxiety, the physical pain that comes with a flare of one of my many medical conditions. If I can just gain the upper hand, then I can somehow maneuver through what ever may come. Then the truth hits and before you know it, I am in the middle of the valley, drowning in a mud puddle of uncertainty on which way to move forward. No matter how much control I think I have, the reality is that I have none. I have no control over what may come jumping out of me when I finally emerge from the puddle, I am in. I eventually am gonna have to make a move. I can’t stay here forever, but which way to I go? Then A small voice comes in and says, be still and know. The thing is I don’t know!!!! I don’t know anything right now except the hurt and pain. The overwhelming emotions that leave me crying at the drop of a single look or word from someone has me consumed. How can I be still and know?

To be still means to stop and pray right? Stop and pray. I can do that, but what if its more than that. What if I stop and pray and don’t plan? Don’t do anything? Don’t plan the next step. Don’t worry about making sure everyone is happy. Don’t worry about the dishes, the laundry, the grocery list. Just stop everything and be still until God says something to me. Just pray and wait. Is that even a logical step to take? My family expects to have their clothes cleaned for work tomorrow, their dinner ready when they get home. Maybe to be still means to stop all expectation, to stop all control of making others happy and just stop. Just pray, wait and see who comes through the door. Wait and see who calls and checks on you today. Who comes to you to vent or talk. What if today, you just be still and do nothing!

Nothing, is a big word! Doing nothing can be scary at times. I have ADD and doing nothing is not an easy thing for me to do. I am always moving, cleaning, checking off a list of things that need to be done. To do nothing is not easy for me, but what if that is just what my body and mind need me to do to slow down my emotional side. Let everything just come to a stop until you know the next move to make. To stop all the chaos in your mind so you can hear God speak to you! The drive for control is so strong, that it drowns out the voice of reason within me. The hard part to see is the humility it is gonna take to admit that I need to do it. I may not be able to control everything around me, but I can control my prayer life and my stillness.

Dear Heavenly Father,
I ask you today to forgive me of all my sins and wipe my slate clean. Forgive me for trying to control everything and help me Lord to be still. Calm my body and my spirit. Show me the next step to take and have confidence to know it is your will and not mine. Help quiet my mind Lord and be okay with letting things go today until I can hear your loving spirit again. I ask these things in Jesus name. Amen.

But…

bykeripayne

But…..

It amazes me how this one word can take whatever circumstance you are in and change everything. It can change our decisions, our plans for the day, and even our prospective of the moment. This happened to me today, and it was like an ah-hah moment and a light bulb came on and a great peace fell over me. Peace is something we all strive for daily. You can argue with that, but lets me honest here. Yes, there are some that love living in the throws of chaos and excitement and high adrenaline, but it is not a realistic level that our bodies can maintain in. The high we chase eventually fades away, and the realism of life creeps in and disappointment follows. Then the planning for the next event of chaos and excitement become priority and it becomes a never-ending cycle. Yet, peace is not like that. Peace is a place of joy like you have never known within chaos, excitement, and disappointment. How can we have peace in the midst of chaos?

This morning I was worrying. Yes, I worry. I worry about my family. I worry about the world and the direction it is going. I worry about my church and church family. All these things I worry about, yet I have no control over them. Then this morning a verse in the Bible that I have read over and over took root and a peace feel over me…

Peter therefore was kept in prison: BUT PRAYER was made without ceasing of the church of God for him. Acts 12:5

I was worrying about my family this morning. Worrying over their faith in God, their trials that may come, their direction and turns in life that are off in a distance and getting closer. I was feeling like a failure that there was nothing I can do for them. Nothing to stop whatever may happen next. No control over their free choices and how they face their battles. (Not that anything significant was going on, but a general worry for their eternal souls and growth in life) Yet, this verse gave me the peace and hope that God was in it all. But prayer. This phrase is so small and simple and easy to overlook, but when I read it this morning and grasp the meaning of this phrase a peace like no other came over me. You see, I have always prayed for my family and lived with the example of my grandmothers who taught me the importance of praying for my family, but this phrase at this perfect moment in time spoke to me on a whole different level. It opened up my mind to realize that I was doing exactly what God wanted me to do, and that was enough. Praying for my family was enough. That feeling of being a failure for my family was replaced with a peace to know that my prayers were enough. That the most important thing I can do for my family was pray!

This simple word changed the whole scenario for Peter. He went from being in prison, naked, and chained to a wall. All while being surrounded by more guards than a serial killer would have had at that time, but prayer sent an angel to lead him out of there without a scratch. It led him to a safe place where he could continue to grow. Those answers to prayer verified his faith was not in vain. Then, this morning that phrase changed my whole outcome for my family. Prayer will keep my family safe. It will protect them from whatever evil Satan has planned. Prayer has the power to bring them to a place of peace and understanding of the perfect love God has for them. Prayer will protect them from Satan and his plans. Prayer will change things, prayer does make a difference, prayer is worth all the time you can spare, prayer can be enough!

The hardest concept in the Bible…

bykeripayne

Contentment…I believe this is the hardest concept in the Bible to understand and follow. I have meditated on this word a lot, as well as studied it several times. My first impression of this word and its meaning tells me to not complain or whine and be happy with whatever you have or state that you are in. Be happy! So simple, right?

I will be honest. I don’t think it is simple. I also don’t think this is the meaning of this word and I will tell you why. As I struggle with my mental health the goal to be happy means I need to remain in a high state of emotions. You see someone who struggles with mental health issues is battling not just the spirit and the flesh as I talk about in my book, but they also struggle with the high and lows of life. (So, let’s be honest, that means everyone has mental health issues. Not everyone is willing to admit they have mental health issues at all. So, if you do, you are a step above the rest. We all have mental health and have struggles with it to some degree or another.)  

I imagine this straight line running horizontally across the page. Like the line that separates the sky from the land. This line represents emotion. Above the line your emotions are high, it means you are happy, you are excited for life and all its opportunities, events, and challenges. Below the line represents the fall of emotions to the deep dark pit of negative thoughts, feelings, and actions. Then hear comes another line that represents you. Every morning it starts somewhere above or below that line, depending on how you slept, what state of mind you are in and how you view your day. From there, depending on your emotional reaction to life, your line with rise above and below, based on the events of your day. Those with severe mental health issues struggle with handling the transition from high to low emotions. Or, they struggle with getting stuck with their emotions and have a hard time getting themselves to adjust back to that neutral line or to stay above that neutral line. Contentment is not about keeping your self on or above that line, but no matter where you are in that line, knowing and deeply believing you are okay and it has a purpose. Learning and reprograming your brain to go with the flow instead of forcing yourself to always be at that neutral line. Once you believe that it is okay to go above and below that line with your emotions, and that experiencing those emotions is a part of life. The stress of it subsids and your body becomes content and most importantly thankful and at peace. Peace during chaos and peace during great joy.

Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. I know how both to be abased, and I know how to abound: every where and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me. Philippians 4:11-13

The key phrase in these verses, “everywhere and in all things I am instructed to be full and to be hungry.” This statement shows us that contentment is not about being happy all the time. It is about learning to find PEACE in the midst of all things. The Bible says right here that no matter what state Paul was in, he found peace. Peace wasn’t about the events of his life, not the status of his health, our circumstances, but that within his circumstances he can find a place of contentment. Most importantly, he believed with God, he had the strength to go through it and it had great purpose So, you may be asking, How do I obtain contentment? So here we go…

  1. Accept Jesus as the son of God and admit that you are a sinner and ask forgiveness for this. Sinners just means that we have a human nature to do things that are not moral and ethical, we are born this way. Born into a sinful nature; because of this nature, life is a struggle. We struggle against what is deemed right and wrong in the worlds eyes as well as what we believe in our core (heart). In order to follow and accept God and his son we will struggle immensely against this sinful nature we have been born with as we strive to make changes in our life based on our belief in God.
  2. Once you accept Jesus and admit you are a sinner you work on a relationship with God. This means you do what you can to learn about him and make conscious choices to make changes in your life that line up with God and what His word (Bible) tells us. The Bible is just a guideline from God that gives us all the answers on how to handle and deal with life, as well as how to deal with each other. Its important to read it and study, as well as find others who believe. The whole purpose of church is to give you the support you need. It is not a one and done kind of process. It’s not a one-time prayer and you will automatically know what to do and how to do it according to Gods will. The first prayer seals your name into the book of life, but to grow and learn contentment it is a lifelong, daily choice and needs constant support or you will find yourself slipping back into old habits that are destructive to you.
  3. After you pray and acknowledge that you are a sinner and confess your belief in God, you will need to keep in communication with God through prayer. Prayer is the direct line to speaking with God and is what gives us power to get through this life. We can ask anything from God. God can see the big picture of our life and help us maneuver through it by praying and asking for his guidance.  All we have to do is ask. Our relationship with God is all about free will and He will not throw anything in our direction unless we ask for it.

Once we accept God and acknowledge him, we can communicate to him through prayer, and he will answer us through His word (Bible). For me it can also come from someone else teaching about the Bible, in bible study groups, in conversations with others about God, in music about God, and also in just being in a relationship with God to the point His Holy Spirit can speak directly to my heart through thoughts and concepts that bring great peace to me (It’s called being filled with the Spirit).

Now, here is what is important in all of this. “DO NOT say to someone who is struggling with anxiety and depression or salvation that they just need to get their emotions under control!) This is not what these verses are about and this is how you can alienate people who are struggling!!!! What I am saying is with acknowledgment of our circumstance and the belief that God is in control and has a purpose, we can find contentment and peace in the midst of all things. God has that power and He will more than willing to share it with us, if only we ask for it.

I have heard the statement. “God will never give you more than you can handle.” I have also heard it said, “God will give you more than you can handle, so you will acknowledge it and cry out to him.” I battle with which statement is correct. So, I forget these quotes and I go straight to my Bible. It says in…

There hath no temptation (trial, putting to proof by experiencing good and evil) taken you but such is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted (tested) above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.1 Corinthians 10:13

Trials and experiencing good and evil things are common to all men; BUT GOD has set a barrier in place so that the trial will not destroy you. Within the trial of experiencing good and evil, highs and lows, he will help you find a way to get through it, so that it will strengthen you to handle it.

Instead of forcing yourself or your loved ones who are emotional (or have great struggles with emotional transitions and triggers) to always remain happy or on the neutral line. Remain by their side and support them as they work through the situation and all the emotions that come with it. Encourage them to ask God for help and show them what great purpose he has in it. Talk to yourself as you would a friend in the situation, and trust God is in control and will use this experience to grow you and those around you. Even though you may not be able to change the circumstance, you can find peace in it with Gods help.

Side note: I use medication to help with my emotions. My fight or flight response remains turned on, due to trauma, triggers, muscle memory, brain pathways that are worn done through unhealthy coping mechanisms, as well as genetics and brain chemistry issues. Meds, for me, are not meant to make me stay at the neutral line, but to help me be able to transition from one emotion to another without getting stuck. I believe that with medication, its helps my brain to slow down and process (concentrate on) the situation without letting my emotions take control and guide me. With studying Gods word, prayer, and working on core beliefs that have been wrong, I have been able to make changes in my life and in my belief system. It has brought me to better place and I continue to use a very small amount of medicine to help, but my main focus is to be able to handle all emotions without running or drowning from them, or letting them control my life.

Today’s epic fail…?

bykeripayne

Have you ever noticed that nothing you do or try to do goes smoothly? There is always an issue and nothing turns out right. It seems to be my story lately. My life is a constant battle to getting things accomplished with little fuss or epic failure. “If you first don’t succeed, try, try again.” quote is always staring me in the face as one project after another fails to look or not turn out as I had planned. BUT GOD, these are the words I have been seeing lately instead. Whether I am late for an appointment, or my project is a failure or turns out differently than I want, God is in control and has a purpose for it. A plan to grow, challenge, and refine you. He can take you and your willingness to heights you never dreamed up, but the first step comes at the cross roads of failure.

Do I keep trying and make do with what I have and pray and ask God for guidance and help, or do I give up?

The question is, what do you believe? Do you believe that God can help and grow you from this and this is just a necessary stepping stone on your way to refining your character and abilities with Gods help, or is it all not worth it and truly a failure?

The choice you make when you come to this point in life, defines what your core belief really is. We are faced with a hundred core beliefs every day. What are core beliefs you ask? What a great question! Core beliefs are thoughts or ideas we take to heart and base our daily decisions and choices from. These beliefs are instilled in us since the day we are born. Through life experience, how others treat us, and our choices we develop a belief system that rules and guides are life on a daily basis. An example I can give you, is… I don’t look good in pink. With this one core belief, we will control everything we wear, every object of clothes we buy and every gift we ask for based on this one core belief. Why? Because someone at one time in our life told us that a pink shirt we were wearing made us look washed out. We took that belief to heart and decided from that day forward not to wear any pink. The problem was, it wasn’t the shirt that made us looked washed out, it was the blond color we just added last week to our hair that we didn’t really like anyway. To make it even worse, pink is your favorite color. By taking this statement to heart we have made a decision that will control not only how we dress, but how the color makes you feel. Let alone how depressed we feel because we are not expressing ourselves by wearing our favorite color.

Has this happened to you over your belief in God? Or why you aren’t going to church anymore?

The church is only full of hypocrites, this core belief will not only keep you from church, but you will find yourself completely alienating yourself from anyone what says they love and follow God. The truth is the church is full of sinners. Majority have publicly acknowledge that, a few may be hypocrites, but that is between them and God. The church is also full of people that love each other, would give the shirt off their back for you, and is only a phone call away if you ever need anything. If you changed the core belief you have about the church being full of hypocrites then you may just find yourself in the pew next Sunday, sitting next to a person that will become the greatest friend you will ever have. The opportunity to be a part of an extended family you never knew was possible to have.

So, moving forward I am going to look at every failure, and every obstacle as a learning experience from God. I am going to change my core belief about my failures. Maybe my failures is God’s way of growing my tolerance for disappointment, maybe growing my ability for perseverance. Who knows, but I will choose to guard my heart where my core beliefs are stored, because I don’t want a simple belief keep me from being the person God intended me to be. I am going to fail, but God. Through failure, God has a plan, and He alone has the power to help us learn, grow us, and give us strength to change those false beliefs into hopeful ones. Also, I love pink! It makes me feel alive… its my signature color! lol

Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life. Proverbs 4:23

Here are some other core beliefs that I personally have struggled with and have held me back in my life and in my relationship with God and others… I hope they help and maybe we can find the truth together. “For ye shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free.” John 8:32

No one cares about me…

I am out of control…

Life is not fair…

My family is in this mess because its my fault…

I am to young to make a difference…

I am too old to help…

Sickness means you don’t have enough faith in God…

If you are any hinderance to God, He will take you out…

The fruit of the spirit list allows us to judge others…

My house must look good…

My children should never act up in public…

They need to get ahold of that child or they are gonna be sorry one day…

If God loved me, he wouldn’t let me suffer…

I shouldn’t have to tell my husband what I need from him…

I need to quit while I am ahead…

I encourage you to take whatever belief you are struggling with and pray over it. Search the bible while praying for God to show you the answer. When you find the answer, you will be amazed how it will change your life for the better and how clear your heart and mind will become. Satan’s goal is to keep you caught up and distracted by false core beliefs. God wants you free from that and show you a better way. So, what path will you choose? To move forward regardless of struggle and failure or quit?